Harmonious 3-Wheel Motion

Forrest Bolt

2008-08-27T17:29:00.019+08:00

Harmonious 3-Wheel Playground
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Wow. Olympics is finally over. All in all, while exhausting, it was great. And since my last post, my Olympic fervor only heightened, as I had the chance to see track & field, baseball, synchronized swimming, and boxing last week. What was just as impressive, I also had the chance to view the Bird's Nest and the Water Cube up close for the first time.

Bird's Nest on a sunny day? Truman Show!
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Stepping inside the stadium, you couldn't help but feel like you were in a special place. Like's it's China's Wembley Stadium or Rose Bowl. I could see the power of Architecture and how it can play into the collective self-esteem. I went with a Chinese friend, and he would later say he had goosebumps entering the stadium for the first time.

The Olympics really did intertwine with many of the Chinese people's collective self-esteem.

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This was my first time watching track & field competition live. There's like 3-4 events going on at the same time! People with very low body fat percentages high jumping, throwing javelins, triple jumping, and of course...ruuuunnnnnnniiinnng.

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Ussain Bolt's 200M medal ceremony.

I wonder who would win...

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The Olympic...well you know what it is.

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At the outer edge of the Bird's Nest lattice.
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People were taking pictures of this:

The Water Cube, site of Michael Phelps' Olympic triumps. USandA! USandA! By the way, Phelps in Chinese is pronounced, "Fe-le-pe-se." But you have to say it really fast.
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Was also my first time to see synchronized swimming. It was actually pretty dope. The swimmers reminded me of dolphins. (Dolphins I would take to a dinner and a movie...)

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My cousin, Sherlynn (big ups!), hooked us up with the tickets, and we were seated right next to the Spanish cheering section.

The drama!

[Not sure if anyone caught the event on any of the cable channels, but when the Spanish team entered for their routine, the TV camera zoomed in on the Spanish fans...and because of our proximity, my friend and I got some CCTV love.]

Speaking of drama, one of the Japanese swimmers fainted in the pool after their routine. It was a bit surreal. All the swimmers had started to head towards the steps, but then there was this blob underwater. Luckily one of her teammates noticed the girl underwater and pulled her up.

I looked around for a lifeguard, and saw one of Olympic staff on his walkie-talkie. But no lifeguard or medical help.

So then I'm looking at this poor Japanese girl, body limp, in the arms of her teammate, and nobody else seems to be responding to this situation. Some of the ladies (presumably mothers?) in the Japanese cheering section in front of me are screaming hysterically.

Still no lifeguard or medical team.

Finally these two portly Chinese dudes in speedos emerge and dive into the pool to "save" the Japanese swimmer. My Chinese friend was like, "Who are those guys and why are they so fat? It's embarrassing." (We theorized they must have been nephews of some Chinese Olympics official(s).)

The girl appears to regain consciousness and looks around in a daze. The hysterical shrieking subsides. The portly "lifeguards" bring the girl to the side, but then at the edge of the pool the girl's body falls limp again.

At this point, I'm wondering where the fock is the medic?!! Bird down bird down! After yet another few minutes, a medical team emerges with a stretcher and carts the girl to the back...out of sight.

Now I am no doctor, but I am thinking that this might not be so good. Can't oxygen deprivation cause irreparable brain damage?

There is no mention, at least in English, about this incident over the PA. I am wondering if it's because of impression management? Would the Japanese girl, and by extension her team, and by extension the whole nation of Japan lose face if there was all this TV coverage of her getting brain damage in the pool?

Anyway I later Googled and found an AP article quoting a Japanese official explaining that the swimmer is basically a Nervous Nelly but is fine. (More Truman Show?)

[For those of you who read that article, I know I know. After seeing an event firsthand and then reading a media report about the same event, I was struck by all the information omitted. Was/is the swimmer actually OK? And how could the writer not have mentioned how fat the lifeguards were?!]
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In an earlier post, I had commented that I felt a festive atmosphere in my neighborhood was lacking for watching the Olympics events. Here at the main Olympic site, however, the energy was palpable. It was great. I wished more Chinese people, the common folk, could experience this.

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Another day, I had the chance to see one of the baseball semifinals. South Korea vs. Japan. The weather that day was beautiful. Look at that sky!!!

Just outside the baseball stadium lies the basketball arena where the Redeem Team brought home the gold!
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South Korea won that game on its way to the gold medal.
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A couple of Korean Juelz Santanas...

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Many media reports commented on the friendliness of the ubiquitous Olympic volunteers/greeters. They were on point.

Team Earnest!
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Lego bathrooms in the Bird's Nest.

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There was a Kurtis Blow bush around the corner.

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Something about the Olympics, like Disneyland, seems to signal to people that it's cool to wear matching hats.

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The last event I attended was the boxing finals, which was also the first time I had seen boxing live. No US boxers competed in any of the 4 bouts I saw.

Mongolia did though.

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So did Kazakhstan!

The Kazakh dude took home the gold, and it was weird. The Kazakh boxer didn't really look like...

Speak: Add Oil!

2008-08-19T21:08:00.016+08:00

Harmonious 3-Wheel Add Water!
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People have also been asking me if I would be seeing any Olympic events, and being the lazy guy that I am, I did not make any effort to procure any tickets. I thought, eh, the Olympics. I already went to one in Atlanta.

But last week I caught the Olympic fever! Was it all the free beer that I couldn't drink? I began to rue my laziness at ticket procurement. But then the good Mr. Touff sent me an email saying he had extra tickets to see beach volleyball and asked if I would be interested.

"You're gosh darn right!"

Get to the stadium at about 9:30pm.

No super long lines.
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Entered the stadium, which reminded me of the US Open tennis stadium in Flushing. Except this stadium had...cheerleader/dancers! Boo-yaaaahhh!!! (Do cheerleaders make China a Modern Country or what?!)

There was a DJ that played short clips of songs in between points. "I like to move it move it...I like to move it move it...I like to...MOVE IT!"

You may be asking, what is that inflatable thing with the cheerleaders?
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That, my friend, is one of the Fuwa. There are 5 of them. They are the Beijing Olympic mascots, as seen on one of the 149,235,382 Olympic billboards now plastered all over China.

Their names are: Beibei, Jingjing, Huanhuan, Yingying, and Nini. They are inspired by the five Olympic rings. When you strategically put their names together--and only say the first syllable--together the Fuwa names form like Voltron to say: "Beijing Huanying Ni!" Which means "Welcome to Beijing!" (How adorable).

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They didn't tell us the cheerleaders' names, but the cheerleaders did have cowboy hats.

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Below another Fuwa came out to hype up the crowd. I ain't gonna lie. The Fuwa got me amped son!! (Not as amped as Chief Illiniwek though).

There was also an MC that got the crowd chanting, "Beijing Jia You!!!" (pronounced "jaahhh yooooo"). I was like, why is everyone saying "jia you," as it means "add oil."

BEIJING...ADD OIL!!!! I just got the memo that it basically means, "Let's go!" Apparently this chant has been around for decades (since cars entered daily life?).
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Oh yeah, there was also beach volleyball. Below is a pic from the 1st (of 3) matches we saw. Here the men's team from Australia battled the men's team from Brazil. Brazil won.

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The second match featured the US women's team vs. Cuba. However it was not the US team that beckoned good ol' President "Boo shi" (that's the Mandarin pronunciation) to get his Akon on.

That was actually the first time I saw that video. What a storyline! Oh and the US won, although Cuba had this player named Crespo that was dooooooooooope.
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The last match was a showdown between Holland and Germany. Germany won.

As you can see there were quite a few empty seats, although it was getting pretty late by that point. I was curious about the crowd size, because I had also been hearing/reading reports that there lots of empty seats at most of the non-finals events.

One might have thought that since everyone here was so excited about the Olympics and patriotic fervor that all the events would be sold out. Since this is China's moment in the sun around the world, I was kind of hoping to see more local Chinese experiencing the Olympics.

At the beach volleyball stadium, though, much of the crowd seemed to be comprised of foreigners cheering on their own country and of course adorning themselves with flags.

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I have been curious about what the laobaixing (aka "common folk") in Beijing think about the Olympics, now that this glorious moment has finally arrived. Earlier I mentioned that nobody seemed to be complaining about the driving restrictions or some of the other sacrifices for the Olympics.

You'd see signs like the one below all over Beijing. (I find this signs to be so "Chinese" in that they lack any irony. Then again, most public service announcements are pretty un-ironic. But Chinese public service announcements are even more un-ironic. This reminds me of a comment I heard about irony not being as heavily trafficked in Chinese culture as in, let's say, Williamsburg. I think this difference has a pretty huge impact on the music scene...but more on this later).

"I participate, I contribute, and I enjoy"

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Anyway now that the Games have started, I have started to hear some grumbling, which I suppose should not be so surprising. Whereas before August nobody really knew exactly what to expect, now it's quite apparent that these Games are more for the powers-that-be, the huge multinational corporations, and the viewing enjoyment for the rest of the world.

"Acting like life is a big commercial."

On the other hand, it's hard to see the immediate benefits for the common folk. Prices are going up for basic necessities, and the Olympics aren't helping the peeps, just causing inconveniences. For example, my Chinese teacher said that the powers-that-be wanted to shut down her neighborhood fruits and vegetables market during the Olympics because of crowd issues. The people got salty and protested, and a compromise was reached stipulating the market could remain open for 2 hours a day (instead of 4).

I've heard vendors having to move locations or shut down operations altogether, because they don't fit with the Beijing Truman Show image and storyline. (see below).

This photo of the "Coca Cola Zone" was taken at The Place, right outside the venue which held the Puma and Jamaican embassy party.

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What is for the laobaixing? The common folk?

As far as viewing the Games, practically all of the local Chinese just watch the events on TV at home or in small groups in restaurants or shops. (I noticed almost every shop has a small TV!)

Not the same festive atmosphere as watching sporting events in large crowds, in my opinion.

I had heard that most of the local Chinese were not really making much of an effort to see events live. There is the perception that the lines are too long, it's too much of a headache, and the tickets would be too expensive.

Then I heard that people (foreigners) have been able go to non-finals events and get tickets at face-value (around 30 USD) with relative ease. No waiting in huge lines.

I wondered if the ticket procurement motivational disparity centered around the notion of watching sports itself. For many of the Chinese, because they are so personally invested in seeing their athletes win and represent China favorably against the rest of the world, maybe the joy of watching sport for the sake of sport is sometimes absent?

I was reading a sports article written by a guy, who was saying how much he was enjoying watching random countries compete and just seeing the athletes perform at such a high level. He had no emotional investment in any of the events, but was explaining how much fun he was having just watching all these random sports that he normally does not care about. And to him, that was what made the Olympics experience great.

I think it is this sentiment the drives many of the expats to try and find tickets now that the Games have started. (It also helps that many expats work for or know friends who work for Olympic sponsors who have huge batches of tickets that often go unused).

On the flip side, I think many Chinese feel like why should I waste my time waiting in line to try to pay for a ticket that's still a huge chunk of my salary and to see non-Chinese athletes who have no bearing on how China is seen by the world. Again it helps me to understand the Olympics in the context of the past 150 years in China (e.g., enduring things like England taking over Hong Kong because China unsuccessfully did not want England selling opium in China).

Maybe each Chinese gold medal is somehow a chip against those memories for the collective Chinese psyche.

One day maybe we can all follow the words of Speak. (Had to bring back this oldie, but oh-so goodie).

Olympics = Giant Commercial?

2008-08-17T19:05:00.013+08:00

Harmonious 3-Wheel Double Mint Gum!
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Since I moved to Beijing, pretty much everyone has asked me about the Olympics. The 2008 Olympics has been one of the most hyped events of the century. The Chinese government, of course, has fueled the hype as much as possible, seeing the Olympics as a golden PR opportunity to show the world that China is no longer a Backwards Country. That China is now a Modern Country. A Developed Country.

[More on this later, but what has helped me to understand contemporary China immensely is to understand how demoralizing the past 150 years or so were, until Deng Xiaoping opened up China to market reforms in 1978. It's interesting to note that Chinese people see their culture and heritage through the lens of its 5000+ year history; America just reached its 200th birthday not too long ago.]

Of course what do "modern" and "developed" mean? Globalism has apparently worked its magic quite nicely and imbued the terms "modern" and "developed" in China with an overt materialistic bent.

Now that the Olympics have arrived, and this aforementioned opportunity to show the world that China is a Modern and Developed Country, I can't help but notice how big of a business this whole shebang is.

The multinational corporations are dropping some serious, serious duckets...for parties and open bars which I am not entirely mad at.

The other day I was DJing at this media event put together by Puma and the Jamaican Embassy.

Press interviewing some of the Jamaican Olympic athletes (below). If I'm not mistaken, Usain Bolt the recent 100M gold medalist and WR holder, was the guy fielding the questions.

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Afterwards, there was a "fashion show" where Chinese dancers decked out in Puma gear danced to reggaeton and the Jamaican athletes decked out in Puma gear came out with their faces painted in Chinese opera mask style. Where the East meets the West (Indies)!

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Afterwards the head of Puma Asia Pacific and the Jamaican ambassador had nice words for the crowd. (Buy Puma!). There was also a live video feed from Jamaica so that the Jamaican president could wish the Olympic athletes good luck.

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Another night I went to help my friend, DJ Wordy (the dude in the DJ booth in upper lefthand corner), to set up for an Adidas party, the event for which they flew out Neil Armstrong, Jay-Z's Tour DJ, who, uh, also DJed at my old bar in NY back in the day. Represent!

Since Adidas is an Olympic sponsor, this event--which I did not attend (more on that later)--was supposed to have all these high-ranking government officials and Chinese celebrities like Jet Li, Maggie Cheung, etc.

Adidas had rented out this huge space. Above, Wordy setting up the other DJ booth. That's right, a double DJ booth event.
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Last Saturday, we went to the MTV-Budweiser party, which featured...a Budweiser open bar.

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Budweiser had rented out (constructed?) this huge warehouse space with 2 huge rooms and an outdoor space for "pool parties."

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A half empty (half full?) pool.

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And dancers.

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Next to the MTV-Budweiser party warehouse is the Holland House. Here, Heineken rented out the the Beijing Agricultural Museum. Heineken > MTV-Budweiser

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The hall entrance.

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Heineken, in keeping with the Olympic spirit, set up a museum highlighting past Dutch Olympic triumphs.

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Further inside, the festivities, which of course included cold Heineken beers in plastic cups. Unfortunately, Heineken was charging 30 RMB for beers...and making you buy beer credit cards.

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Rumors swirled that DJ Tiesto was DJing. (Holland represent).

This was on a Wednesday night and the Holland House was rocking. Apparently all the Dutch people were celebrating a Dutch judo athlete's bronze medal earlier that day, which led my friend, Eveline, to remark that smaller non-Olympic powerhouse countries rock because they're not afraid to go buck when they win a medal, any medal.
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Heineken = see China is a Modern and Developed Country!
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The outdoor patio space of the Holland House.

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"Acting like life is a big commercial..."

Olympics Jump-Off

2008-08-11T01:39:00.015+08:00

Harmonious 3-Wheel Motion Opening Ceremony Viewing
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So the Beijing Olympics have finally arrived! On Friday, 8-8-08, at 8:08pm*, the much anticipated opening ceremonies kicked off. The world was watching.

[*8, as you might have guessed, is a very auspicious number in Chinese culture. "And if you don't know, now you know..."]

The city was definitely abuzz. And hot. And humid. So hot and so humid. Beijing, while hot as b*llz during the summer days, usually cools off at night. Or at least there is a breeze. The past few nights, however, coated the city with heavy, hazy, and stagnant air.

I had made somewhat last-minute plans to meet with a friend who was about to leave China, and whose return depends on a new visa. As I rode my bike through the Beijing streets on the way to the cafe/bar street of Nanluoguxiang, I wondered where most of the locals would be watching the opening ceremony.

Would it be like the pictures of Seoul during the 2002 World Cup (see below)?

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Not quite.

Apparently, people were encouraged to watch the opening ceremonies at home with their families. No need to gather in large crowds and produce opportunities for troublemakers and cause further headaches for the powers-that-be, who have been working towards for this exact moment for the past 7+ years.

As I rode my bike through the hutongs, I did notice some small gatherings outside around non-flat screen TV's.

(7:28pm, 8-8-08)
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After watching the first part of the ceremony, I must say I was quite impressed, especially given the hype and high expectations. On the other hand, the energy of the city was nothing like it was during Chinese New Year's.

I thought back to what my Chinese teacher had said a few days earlier, after I had asked if she was getting excited for the Olympics. She explained that she is definitely proud of China's progress and wants to represent China well, but I sensed her enthusiasm for the Olympics, per se, seemed a bit more muted.

She commented that the Olympics doesn't really have much to do with the common folk, the laobaixing. The Olympics are more for governments, and such government matters have nothing to do with her.

This line of thought seems to reflect a common sentiment here among the common folk. And I think this is what many in the West do not understand. Your average Chinese person is pretty apolitical and just wants to make some money--do you!--and just go on l.i.v.i.n. The government for the most part stays out of the way, as long as people don't cause trouble by gathering in large crowds and protesting this or that and mentioning you-know-who.

Regarding the Olympics, then, many Chinese people believe that the Games are most importantly a showcase to put on the greatest face/facade for the rest of the world. Like the Truman Show? Not necessarily an athletic showcase for Chinese people to see.

For example, tickets to the Opening Ceremony, I heard, were going for 20,000 Euros last Thursday. "EUROS, that's right plurrrooo." (Of course, these figures are totally unsubstantiated.) To put things in perspective, your average "middle-class" college-educated local Chinese might need to save 6 years worth of salary for a ticket at that price. Even tickets to the sporting events procured through the lottery system months ago are too expensive for many (most) locals.

During the middle part of the ceremony where the athlete contingents from all the countries marched out (yawn), I took another ride through the city to meet with another friend, who was watching the ceremony at his neighbor's abode.

At every restaurant and shop, I noticed almost everybody was watching a TV. Almost.

Throughout the hutongs I saw several older Chinese (see above), who were wearing these white Olympic polo shirts with a red arm band. The uniform signaled they were Olympic volunteers on citizen patrol to detect any troublemakers.

I found it somewhat surprising that they didn't want to watch the long-awaited ceremony on TV too. But then I realized that it wasn't necessarily that they didn't want to, but maybe that this was their display of their patriotism (which is literally, "love country" in Chinese). This was their sacrifice for this great moment for Modern China. Keeping an eye out for troublemakers and not watching TV, I guess, is how they "rep their hood."

Meanwhile, as the simple man that I is, I was curious what sorts of festivities were in store after the opening ceremony.

First impression: Beijing was like NY right after 9-11. There were police and uniformed guards EVERYWHERE. The powers-that-be were serious yo. No troublemaking during the Olympics and ruining this glorious moment! (Ironically and tragically about 12 hours later a disgruntled guy lost it and well...you've probably read the rest).

Anyway, we were determined to get our festivity on. Our first stop was at this club where the homie, Neil Armstrong, was DJing for a couple Adidas parties. Fresh off a world tour as Jay-Z's DJ, Neil had come to Beijing to show his love of China (flags).

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Afterwards we went to the YEN party.

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Afterwards...hey why is it light out?

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The next night, I found myself at the Nike party. Lasers!

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Then it was off to the (oh-so-cleverly-named) club, Bling.

NEW Beijing

2008-08-05T02:00:00.006+08:00

Harmonious 3-Wheel Chinese Checkers
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In other Olympic preparations, Beijing--as mentioned before--has not lost sight of its goal to show the world that China is now Modernized a.k.a. Time-to-Go-Shopping!!!

When I left for the US in late June, this construction site near Sanlitun, the notorious bar area that keeps getting mentioned in several Western media articles, was still under wraps. Came back a few weeks ago and was like whoa what happened?! That's a pretty big Adidas store. All four floors of it.

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Puma was like, don't forget about me!

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And if Puma and Adidas got up in there...you know you-know-who wouldn't be left out.

Not really noticeable in the pic above, but the Apple Store also opened.
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Not exactly what I imagined a communist country to look like, before I moved here.
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And while these pictures may seem boring--or at least not as interesting as the hutong photos--to me, these new shopping malls/centers of commerce are exciting to many Chinese people.

For example, I went to IKEA in Beijing a couple weekends ago to get some sundries. Talk about a madhouse.

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A lot of people just go to hang out and "aspire." And take pictures of each other.

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Hello World, welcome to *NEW* Beijing!!!

Rep Your Hood

2008-08-02T21:06:00.008+08:00

Harmonious 3-Wheel Beer Me.

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As the Olympic countdown continues, I noticed something while cruising the 'hood (on my bike with a basket...gangsta!). Something different about the street. I couldn't quite put my finger on it.

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This pic doesn't really have anything to do with the Olympics, but sometimes things itch.

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This is Workers' Stadium. In normal times, there are two huge hip hop clubs, VICS and Mix, that are located on the left and right side of the photo. Due to security concerns, both clubs have both been shut down to make way for the Olympics!

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To the right under the billboard of the soccer player lies the club, Mix.

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Under normal circumstances, all 3 rooms (each about the size of the main room in the old Centro-Fly) of Mix is poppin' every single night until about 5am (no hyperbole).

(Um...I knew this pic would come in handy at some point.)

Beijing in the Summer...just like Spicoli and 2pac

2008-07-28T19:01:00.013+08:00

Harmonious3wheelmotion returns on the box tip!!!

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Hopefully summer 2008 is finding everyone well. I recently returned to Beijing after a whirlwind visit to VA, Chicago, NYC, and Japan. It was great to see family and friends, and of course, it made me miss "home." A lot (2) of people asked me to re-start my blogging, as they seemed pretty curious about what life is like in Beijing with the Olympics quickly approaching.

Well for one thing, day-to-day life, at least my day-to-day life in Beijing, is quite different from the picture created by much of the media reports that one reads or sees in the US. Before I came to Beijing, I formed a pretty simplistic view of what life would be like in China. Fake goods, unsafe food, carcinogenic toys, getting jacked for my kidney, etc. Many people--including some Hong Kong relatives--had no idea why I would ever want to go to a place like China.

Of course, now that I've been here for over a year (already?!), I have developed a more nuanced view of life in China, or at least life in Beijing. And I love it here.

[I have realized that life in Beijing is its own beast, and doesn't necessarily speak to what life is like in other parts of China. I think I mentioned this in earlier posts, but China is more like Europe, in that different regions have their own customs, dialects (there are over a 100 dialects in China with linguistic distances surpassing that of Spanish and Italian, for example), cuisines, etc. More on this another time though.]

Life in Beijing can be viewed through many lenses, and toggling through them can lead to quite different phenomenological experiences.

If I use the lens of seeing Beijing as the site of Olympics, one frame of reference would be when Atlanta hosted the Olympics. As an American, I thought it was cool that the Olympics was in the US, but I wasn't THAT excited. One of my roommates, Peter, actually competed in that Olympics, and I took a road trip with another roommate, Russ, and his SD friends to the ATL. We were mostly fired up about seeing Peter compete and possibly seeing the US women's gymnastic team in the Olympic Athlete's Lounge (1 out of 2 ain't bad...sorry Pete).

In Beijing right now, Chinese people are fired up about the Olympics. Fired up! They see the Olympics as China's coming out party as a Modern Country, and many seem very emotionally invested in the success of The Games. Emotional! (Like Young Jeezy, but not sure if they also "hug the block"). When there was that hullabaloo with the torch relay a few months ago, many people here took it so personally and did not understand why the rest of the world was picking on China...on them!

To get ready for the Olympics and combat the ridiculous traffic situation that is Beijing, the city has imposed driving restrictions so that only 1/2 of the cars (sorted by even and odd numbers on driving license plates?) can drive on any given day. There are also special Olympic driving lanes to facilitate traffic flow to and from the events. I have not heard one Chinese person complain about this. (The foreigners on the other hand...)

I am trying to imagine if Bloomberg told New Yorkers that 1/2 of them could not drive on any given day...and then not hearing a single complaint/fuggetaboutit. Chinese people are pretty hip hop in that sense. Riding (bicycles, buses, subways, etc.) for the team yo!

Having just visited friends in Chicago and NY a few weeks ago, and using that lens to see Beijing, it is striking just how many material comforts Americans have...and often take for granted. (At least I did.) Condos, flat screen TVs, cars...a bathroom INSIDE their apt.

In the hutongs (alley streets) of Beijing, most Chinese people do not have a toilet in their apartment. They have to go to a public (smelly) bathroom when they have to go-go. And many of these public facilities have no stalls. No privacy whatsoever! This still blows my mind.

At the same time, I can't help but notice how much more energy abounds here in Beijing. I remember first moving to NY in 1999 and feeling like no other city in America could touch New York as far as the raw, non-stop energy. Growing up visiting Chicago as a shorty, I thought Chi-town was big-time, but New York (sorry Chi-town) blows the Windy City out of the water. (I gets metaphorical).

Whether it's me just getting older and/or the city changing and the incessant reports of a US recession, New York seemed even more muted during this last visit. Now I think Beijing blows NY out of the water, as far as the raw non-stop energy.

Another lens to see Beijing is to use Tokyo and Japan as a frame of reference. In the US, many Americans--jokingly or not--often crack that all Asians look alike and they're all the same bla bla bla. After visiting Japan on the way back to Beijing from NY, I was reminded of just how different Japan is. Japan is soooooo clean and orderly. The streets are clean with no visible refuse. People queue up for the bus in a civilized way. And the bathrooms? Best bathrooms in the world. The best, Jerry, the best!

In contrast, Beijing is much, much dirtier. Grimey! Not only the air, but the streets are often lined with refuse. Kind of like...Chinatown. Hmmm.

Japan: 1.
China: 0.

But upon further review, I am pretty excited to be back in Beijing. Why? It actually feels quite liberating coming to China. How? For example, in Japan I had a chance to catch up with a Japanese friend, who had moved back to Tokyo from NY about a year ago. While I was thrilled to be back in Tokyo--it's like I'm in the movie Lost in Translation!--she was explaining that she felt quite constrained being back in Japanese society.

I guess this is one downside of such a rigid societal structure; the social pressures responsible for the ultra clean toilets that are like magic and orderly bus queues also can weigh down on people.

My friend explained that Japanese people are very detail-oriented. Their appearance, for example. Impeccable. Very attuned to the social pressures of what is appropriate or stylish. And the Japanese youth are mad stylish!

In China, on the other hand, not so much. What's poppin' in the streets can be described as a more fock-it-why-not style. Kind of like Spicoli meets 2pac? Like you can walk down the street at any hour and see people wearing pajamas. Or sans shirt. Even in the restaurants. No shirt...service!!!

My Chinese teacher, a Beijing lady in her 50s, says that only the uncouth leave home with no shirt on. And while Chinese people get a bad rap for spitting and not lining up for buses in an orderly fashion, you know what, I think uncouth is kind of liberating. If it's 90+ degrees, fock it I'm taking off my shirt. Why not? Why is it acceptable in Hawaii or Florida at the same temperatures, but not here? I can respect that viewpoint.

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4pm PJ's steez.

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L.I.V.I.N. in the Beijing hutongs...

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One of my favorite pics (taken at 1am on a Wed night). Some might say "uncouth," but I say fock-it-I'm-chillin'.

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Localization

2008-03-27T03:52:00.006+08:00

Harmonious 3-Wheelmotion is back! I spotted this lil' bad boy in a small town outside of Beijing. They're apparently banned in Beijing because they tip over easily.

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Been a bit busy with work and becoming quite acquainted with that favorite business buzzword: "localization." As in, when multinationals come over to do business in China, many fail in this market because they blindly pursue a cookie-cutter approach without duly taking into account cultural considerations.

So the smart(er) companies, such as McDonald's, will offer red bean pies instead of apple pies. Cause you know, beans are the musical fruit...I digress.

Another company that has done pretty well is that one super discount megastore from Arkansas. I was in Shenzhen (the boomtown across the border from HK) recently and happened to peep the local W-mart. I passed by the seafood section and saw...

That's right...crocodile snitches! Gotta give the people what they want. I don't think they had that in Illinois. This W-mart also allowed customers to commandeer nets to select fresh fish from the water tanks, like how they do at Chinese restaurants.

But then I noticed something on the floor.

Some customer apparently mishandled the fish and then once it fell out of the net and onto the floor, he/she was like, peace not my problem!

And while we're on the subject of animals. Was walking back home from the Vineyard, one of my favorite cafes in Beijing, and saw this lil' homie.

Sure why not?

B.O.B. 2008

2008-02-09T02:55:00.000+08:00

Happy Chinese New Year everyone! This year marked my first CNY in Beijing or in mainland China. I spent last year in Hong Kong, and I remember being unimpressed. Then I realized that Chinese New Year is like the Christmas of Chinese culture. More about family time then going out and getting crazy. That was my conclusion last year.

I had to revise that conclusion after this past Wednesday night, which was Chinese New Year's Eve. Below is a video clip from a house party on the outskirts of Beijing (past 6th ring road), where these Chinese MCs live.

Intense yo. I couldn't help but think of the footage I've seen of Baghdad on TV. Shocked and, indeed, awed.

In this next clip, sound is crucial. The explosion set off this mini-shockwave that you could feel in your stomach.

This last clip features this super deluxe boom pow suprise.

Imagine this starting after sunset and going till 4am. And then starting up again at 8am?! I mean I realized that Chinese people really like blowing ish up. Safety first?

Hoagies and Haze

2008-01-17T01:03:00.000+08:00

3-wheelmotion haze
--

So almost approaching the year mark in China. Time has straight flown. (Time seems to go by even faster here than in NYC, which hitherto I hadn't thought possible.)

One thing that still boggles the mind is how many Chinese people there are here. I mean really. Below is a scene at a department store just waiting to ride up the escalator.

And while I've gotten acclimated to many things living here, one thing I do miss about the US, and NYC in particular, is the diversity of people. And hoagies.

Keep it moving

2008-01-13T15:40:00.000+08:00

So I was writing this really long post about self-discovery, epiphanies and what not and then I had to leave before finishing. When I came back to finish up and send it off...gone. The whole post was nowhere to be found.

"Devastational."

Anyway, I keep trying to rewrite the post, but now I just have this half-finished draft and a backlog of some photos and video clips from the past few months here in China.

So I'll try to keep it moving in the meantime, in homage of the older generation in my neighborhood that keeps it moving even in Beijing's wintry cold.

Invisible Suit and Missing Things

2007-11-23T18:35:00.000+08:00

Not 3-wheelmotion, but I was pretty excited to get a glimpse of this new invention they got over here: An Invisible Suit! The scientists are still tinkering with the invisible technology, which explains why you can still see the gloves gripping the bike.

--

Anyway, I wanted to explain my extended hiatus from the blog.

Commence circuitous story now: See about a month ago I was DJing at this party at this Nike party celebrating "Air Force 1's." Like with exhibits. And free scotch.

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What exactly are Air Force 1's?

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Back in the early 1980s, these were the first basketball shoes with the now ubiquitous "air" cushioning feature. Today Air Force 1 sneakers have reached iconic status in the "streetwear" phenomenon that has spread all across the globe and now China. Nike even flew in this b-boy crew from Korea (word to their fried chicken) as well as DJ Clark Kent from NY.

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It was a great party. A doozie, if you will. I met some new friends and the hip hop legend, Clark Kent, who was instrumental in introducing this dude named Jay-Z into the hip hop game.

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I was stationed up on this huge stage (I'm the little speck below), which was supposed to be restricted access.

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After my set I went down to mingle, as James Brown used to say (see 1:15 into the video).

--

Anyway the point of this whole story is that after the party, I went back up on stage to the restricted access area to pack up my equipment and...my laptop was missing!!! Somebody straight jacked my laptop from the "restricted access" area.

Some great pics gone. My music! Devastating.*

So getting your laptop jacked is not conducive towards updating blogs, which is a major reason why the blog has not been updated in a while.

Other reasons include me starting a new job and my laziness.

[*In one of the miracles of China, Nike's event production team bought me a replacement laptop same as before! I'm coming back strong with my blog game now.]

Young folks and old folks

2007-10-12T14:36:00.000+08:00

3-wheelmotion repair shop
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I had the pleasure of meeting this fine fellow on the way up to the Great Wall. He was slanging tamarinds, and I bought some.

Notice his pimped out chair. Old school.
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On the other end of the old vs. new school spectrum, this picture was taken at this hot pot restaurant on Gui Jie* ("Ghost Street") around 3am on a Tuesday night (after the Talib Kweli concert). If you look closely, you can see a balladeer, jamming on the acoustic geeeetar. Apparently there is a crew of these dudes who make the rounds at all these late night restaurants and charge about 2-3 USD to sing some songs while you eat. This dude was the 4th guy we saw during our meal. Evidently the Chinese young folks like to get serenaded while they dip thin slices of lamb and beef into a delicious boiling broth.

[*Gui Jie was the first street in Beijing where restaurants began opening up--after Deng Xiaoping decreed that: "To get rich is glorious." It's called "Ghost Street" because the restaurants open late and don't close until about 5:46 in the mornin' crack dawn'n now I'm yawn'n...]
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And speaking of young folks...

This song doesn't get stuck in your head at all.

Word to Ms. Yoo for passing this on.

Inside a Chinese painting

2007-10-08T11:33:00.001+08:00

OG 3-wheel motion.
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So back in China and life has returned to straight random. One night I'm hanging out with Talib Kweli and his entourage at his recent performance in Beijing.

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The next night I'm camping on the Great Wall of China. Amazing. (Real talk!)

Some friends organized the trip and I...tagged along. One of the guys had just bought a car, so I took my first road trip in China. After about a 2 hour drive from Beijing, we arrived to the base of the mountain. Ahead of us: about a 3 hour hike up to the Great Wall.

Luckily I only had a small backpack, which I had borrowed from my friend. The other 3 had these serious hiking backpacks full of tents, sleeping bags, water, food, Famous Grouse, etc. It was a completely different experience than my previous and only other trip to the Great Wall.

[In 2000 my family went to this wack (real talk) part of the Great Wall called Badaling. It was like a zoo with almost as many street vendors as tourists.]

This time, we saw only a handful of other people hiking. Once we reached the top of the mountain, we found the wall to be raw and relatively untouched.

"Relatively untouched." There was still a lady (sitting) who had hiked up the mountain to sell bottled water and tea in that cooler. Also peep my boy rocking the "unbuttoned" look.
--

Anyway, from this point we still had to traverse up the wall itself to one of the sentinel towers to encamp. This part of the hike was actually the hardest and a bit scary (real talk). I could not help but marvel at how the Chinese had built this thing. The incline at certain parts turned almost vertical. How did they get all the bricks up the mountain??! The wall was literally crumbling under our feet as we climbed.

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We did make it to the tower right before dark fell, and as my friend Steve said, "It was glorious."

We set up our tents and busted out the Famous Grouse.
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The best part of the trip came when we were sitting on the roof of the sentinel tower in the middle of the night. This fog had rolled over the valley below and all you could see were the surrounding mountain peaks and the tops of the hills below. The sky was as clear as I've ever seen in China and the moon illuminated the landscape so that the hilltops jutting through the fog below looked like islands in a sea of mist.

I felt like I was inside a Chinese painting.

--

--
You can't help but feel the presence of all the history permeating China, and the way the country is modernizing so rapidly makes it such a fascinating place.

Real Talk from China

2007-10-05T14:45:00.000+08:00

OK so this is not technically 3-wheelmotion...

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Apologies for the blog hiatus. I recently got back to China after almost a month back in the USandA. USandA is a pretty nice place.

Here are some things I already miss (in no particular order):

Clean air. (Picture taken near the Faculty Club on the UC-Berkeley campus)
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Chillin' at beach houses. (Picture taken at Stinson Beach...congrats to Dan and Jenny again!)
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Chillin' on rooftops. (Picture taken at the PONA in Chi-town)
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Booty width discrepancies. (Picture taken in downtown Chicago)
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Hanging out with OG's in the LES at parties with free malt liquor. Word to my man Roscoe. (Pictures taken at the Reed Space in NYC)
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New York City. My first time back since moving away. I must say it was a bit weird not having my own place to stay. Big big ups to James, Paul W., Rob, and Jiminie for making me feel still at home. (Picture taken outside of Frank in the East Village in NYC)
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Diversity. (Picture taken in 42nd St subway station in NYC)
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Guitar Hero!!! (Picture taken at Casa Andria, Christina, & Justin in SF)
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DJing in NYC with my homeskillets. Word to Moe Choi, my bro (Derek), and Adrien. (Picture taken at Double Happiness...RIP)
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Fully stocked refrigerators with Lychee POM juice. Word to Paul and Mona. Bratwurst modeled by Notorious VIV. (Picture taken at the PONA)
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MEXICAN FOOD!!! Word to Ms. Marie for facilitating maximals last-minute burrito and taco nourishment before the 12 hour flight back to China. (Picture taken on the Mission in SF)

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For reals I miss most of all my homeskillets and homeskillettes in Chicago, DC, New York, SF, and Virginia.

Real talk.

Speaking of which...new favorite video?

"...I wish you woooooouuuuuld burn my motherfocking clothes!!!!"

Word to Manuela for passing this on.

Chopstick > Q-Tip?

2007-09-15T23:58:00.000+08:00

In an earlier post, I referenced China's manners and etiquette campaign in advance of the 2008 Olympics. Because China sees these Olympic Games as its coming out party to the world, it is very self-conscious about its image. Next August when Beijing is flooded with foreigners, China wants these visitors to return home and talk about how Chinese people are so modern and sophisticated. Not about how uncouth Chinese people are.

Of course the Western mainstream news media has picked up on this story, and of course they have to add their own little slant.

After living in China for a while, I can't help but notice how the Western media's depiction of China is often quite skewed or at least incomplete.

Notice the selected quotes.

"If I hadn't learned some international rules and standards on manners, I could have made a fool out of myself."

Or the lady with the Chinese Jeri Curl: "I have higher standards for myself now. I have made great progress in dressing and manners."

I mean come on! It's not like Chinese people don't know how to act. I mean I go out to restaurants all the time and...

That ish is gross son! WTF?!

"Man, my ear really itches! Hey bro do you happen to have any Q-Tips on you?"

"Nah man I don't mess with Q-Tips no more. Just use that chopstick."

"Word good looking out son."

Eating vegetables well and Michael Jackson

2007-08-15T13:22:00.000+08:00

Back in Beijing now, after a pretty surreal experience in Korea. Spent 2 weeks in Hotel Odaesan in Odaesan National Park schooling young ninjas. Up at 6:50am. Done at 9pm. Had some interesting conversations for sure. One of the things I had to explain was that Michael Jackson was not born looking like that (true story).

We stayed in this pretty nice hotel that played a CSI marathon every night on the English channel. So random.

--
So in the hotel lobby one day, this kid, about age 4, and his older brother, a plump 10 year old, approached me and asked me if I was American.

"Yes. Yes, I am lil' fella."

The younger boy, a bit shy, whispered in the ear of the older kid, who was apparently the designated translator for this cultural exchange delegation. I wondered what young Korean children know about America. Do they all hate Bush?

The older kid asked me, "Do you raise animals?"

"Um...no."

"Thank you."

The younger boy's thirst for knowledge was not quenched though. He again whispered in the older kid's ear, presumably posing another question. I wondered if he knew about Michael Jordan. Did he want to ask me about the movie, Transformers?

"Do you eat vegetables well?"

What are they teaching Korean youth about Americans? "Don't be like American kids. They only know how to eat vegetables with mediocre ability!"
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About 2.5 hours east of Seoul, the scenery in Odaesan was quite idyllic. The air was soooo much cleaner than in Beijing. The contrast made me think of the scene in Spaceballs when they take out the can of fresh air. I would definitely buy a can of fresh air in Beijing. (Business idea #29582).

Beyond the air quality, the Korean hygiene standards are definitely quite ahead of those in China. Below the machine on the left uses UV light to kill the bacteria on the cups for complimentary water on the right. So thoughtful!

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As mentioned earlier, the food in Korea is pretty bomb. Had a nice BBQ one evening, but alas, no reeeeibs.

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Speaking of food, back in Seoul I passed by the restaurant where Madonna works.

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I also found the Wicked Witch of the Far, Far East. She got crushed by a newspaper stand in a Seoul subway station!

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Regarding the Seoul nightlife, I noticed that people seem to know what they want.

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And if they like it, they want more of it.

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And if they really like it, hey why not even more?!

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OK, this is getting ridiculous...

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At times I felt like there were all these subliminal messages as well.

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One of the highlights of the trip was going to a Korean film festival and catching a screening of the movie, Planet B-Boy, that my cousin, Amy Lo, co-produced. (Big ups to Benson Lee and Johnny Lee!).

Really, really dope. The film broke the audience record at this past year's Tribeca Film Festival. One of the crews from Korea featured in the movie came to the screening with their families.

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Apparently b-boying in Korea is HUGE. The crew above, Last For Won, are like national icons, and they now tour all-around the world repping Korea. To be honest, I kind of forgot about b-boying after the 80s, so I was blown away when I saw these dudes from France, Japan, Korea, etc. busting some next next next level ish.

A bit incredulous are you? Peep a clip for yourself.

Peep more here.

Quick Impression of Korea #1 (Magic!)

2007-08-07T13:55:00.000+08:00

The fried chicken in Seoul is off the hook. Apparently Korean fried chicken is all the rage in NYC, but I had never partaken before. The meat is so tender, but not greasy. And the skin is so crisp. It's like magic...

David Blaine Street Magic 2

Land of Kimchizzles

2007-07-26T22:52:00.000+08:00

Short post: In a remote location in Korea...will post more detailed update later. There are straight crops growing here, which made me appreciate all the more what is now my new favorite video...

New Favorite Video?

Word to John Ryu for passing this on.

And did they really cancel Dog Bites Man on Comedy Central?!

So gangster (1842)

2007-07-15T05:56:00.000+08:00

This guy is so lazy.
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A couple of weekends ago, I met up with a couple of friends (Seth and Tommy) in incredibly hot and humid Hong Kong. It just so happened to be the 10th anniversary of the Hong Kong handover from Britain to China.

Which made me think back to the original circumstances leading up to this event. Talk about a gangster moment in history.

Britain: "What?! You don't want me slanging opium in China? I know you did NOT just dump my product into the harbor. I know you di-iidn't!!!!

Do you realize what kind of cannons I roll with? Have you seen my cannons, son?!

Oh you falling back now? Well you are now going to have to pay me for lost product and wasting cannonballs. Oh, and how about you give me Hong Kong? Please sign here: Treaty of Nanjing (1842)."

Fast forward 155 years and England agrees to hand Hong Kong back to the motherland in 1997.

Many HK residents, like some of my uncles, left HK right before the handover, because they were worried about how Hong Kong, a capitalist bastion under British rule (famous for such signs as "No dogs and No Chinese"), would be integrated into a communist country. In other words, they didn't know if somebody was going to fock with they paper.

Fast forward another 10 years, and the official policy, "One country two systems," seems to be working like gangbusters. HK is still awash in C.R.E.A.M. with all these mainland Chinese companies listing themselves on the Hong Kong bourse. Many people who left in 1997 are now returning to HK, after seeing nothing has really changed since the handover. Their worst fears unrealized.

And what better way to celebrate the 10th anniversary than with an outdoor music concert in downtown Hong Kong?

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Oh and I found my long lost great-greatgrandfather's road in Hong Kong...

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Anyway after the weekend was over, Tommy went off to Singapore. Seth went back to Manila, where word on the streets is that this shorty is taking over.

(The author, Ryan Nerz, of my favorite book so kindly sent this clip.)

Don't sleep (on rocks)

2007-07-11T03:28:00.000+08:00

Alright so I've been a bit delinquent with my updates lately. I've been in a bit of state of flux so to speak (more on this later). First off, Seth's visit a few weeks ago tuckered a brotha out, depleting him of blogging energy/motivation.

I did recharge a bit when I went camping for the first time. Not just in China. But like my first time ever. Sure I've done camping day trips. Hikes, what have you. But I had never slept under the stars, like all premeditated and what not. I embarked on a great wilderness adventure, quite skeptical of what China had to offer outside of Beijing proper.

I ended up sleeping on a rock.

You know what? It wasn't so bad. (One of the tent occupants kindly lent me her sleeping bag). I was actually quite surprised at how pleasant the scenery was.

China never ceases to surprise me, both good and bad. I mean, would you expect to see this landscape 2 hours outside of Beijing?!

On a non-environmental tip, I have also been DJing at this spot, VICS. This picture was taken on a Wednesday night.

DJing here in Beijing has provided an interesting sociological window into the Chinese youth culture. For one thing, Chinese people can't really dance. Not to generalize or stereotype or anything. Have you seen that movie, Weekend at Bernie's? When I look out onto the dancefloor, it's kind of like that. They just sway back and forth like lifeless forms. It focks up my DJing. Basically the test is: if Bernie can't dance to a beat that's somewhat syncopated, the dancefloor just might clear out.

For example, one night I felt I was losing the crowd, so I kind of panicked and put on something "safe." I threw down Prince, "Kiss." Dancefloor. Empty. I was blown away. I had never had that happen before. I told my friend, Beverly, and she was like, "What parallel universe did that happen in?!" China. It's called China.

However...if there are some lizzadies and/or some laowai's (foreigners), who demonstrate a knack for some jiggle-booty activities with the music, the rest of the crowd follows suit. The results can be magic (and produce really bad audio quality).

Oh, and Chinese people really like Hip Hop Hooray!

Straight flossin' in Beijing

2007-06-16T14:32:00.000+08:00

3-wheelmotion valet parking.

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A few people have asked me why I haven't updated in a while, and the short answer is a good friend/Stink Rock Expert/Primary Smell (e.g., Head) Expert was in town. This is the same friend who chastised me about my less than stellar bargaining skills after one of my first blog posts.

Anyway, on Mr. Searl's first day I suggested we check out the market where I got my very first foot massage (by a dude nonethelesss...not that there's anything wrong with that), because Seth had expressed interest in buying shoes.

We get to the market, and I overhear a conversation between a nearby vendor and a European guy.

Customer: "What kind of leather is this? Where is it from? Is it really from Italy?"

Vendor (with complete straight face): "This is China of course there are no fakes."

I chuckle and look over at Seth, who appears ready to test his negotiation skills. "Let me show you how to bargain son!"

[Wednesday morning I get an update from Seth about his new shoes. "Dude they are like 5 sizes too small! I think they pulled a switcheroo when they put the shoes in the bag..."]
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Later in the weekend, I take Seth back to the 798 Art Gallery district, and we learn the industrial spaces were in fact military factories back in the day. The new galleries, restaurants, and coffeeshops just gutted the spaces, but some artifacts could not be removed (see below).

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After devising grand plans to hike 10km along a more untouched part (i.e., not swamped by tourists and vendors hawking random Mao lighters) of the Great Wall, we duly overslept. Instead we went to the Forbidden City, which is where the Emperor used to reside. No common folk could ever see the place, and trespassers were punished by death. In fact the only men, who were not part of the royal family, allowed inside the Forbidden City were eunuchs. You know, dudes with their balzacs cut off. According to a guidebook, there used to be a special chair with a specially placed hole for the procedure.

Below is Seth, happy he did not have to sit in that chair to enjoy the Forbidden City.

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In one of the courtyards, they were some pretty cool rock formations, on top of which sat some pagodas.

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A view of the Forbidden City from a hill where the last Ming Emperor (of the 2nd to last Chinese Dynasty) hanged himself as Manchu invaders overtook the Forbidden City and started their own dynasty, the Qing, who popularized/mandated the famous queue hairstyle (the long, braided pony tail, with the head shaved in the front half). You know, like in the scenes in Shanghai Noon. Or was it Shanghai Nights?

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We also checked out Tiananmen Square, billed as the largest public square in the world. Seth, emboldened by the all the Chinese spitting into trash cans (yet ignoring the "hocking factor"), decides to demonstrate his own travel etiquette and intrepid disposition towards flossin' 24/7.

"That's how I roll son!"

True international player yaheard.

Serenity now!

2007-05-31T20:43:00.000+08:00

I need to figure out where to get some of these wheels.
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This type of mish mash hodgepodge scene is quite common in China. You just get used to it. It's like Chinatown. "Serenity now!"

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So when you come across sights like this*, it's like where am I?! Serenity? For reals?

China never ceases to surprise and amaze me.

*Houhai Lake right in Beijing proper.
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It's interesting to see the differences regarding outdoor recreational proclivities. Here is some more footage of outdoor Chinese electric sliding and badminton, of course. I like how dude tries to overhead slam the feather shuttle (just googled that) into the face of the girl a la Dumb and Dumber and the snowball fighting scene.

I also went to play hoops at this athletic complex near Tiananmen Square. As you can see, the younger generation also digs soccer and basketball, which is apparently now the number one sport in China.

Of course I failed to get good footage, but China got some young lil' ballers. The main difference is that people don't talk trash on the playground. Or maybe they do, but in a very polite tone of voice and I just can't understand. "Ni hao, your momma got a peg leg with a kickstand."

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I played on the Nike courts. Apparently there is an Adidas complex elsewhere. It was like 95 degrees that day. In retrospect maybe not the best day to end my physical exertion hiatus.

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Larry Legend getting love in the motherland!

Lounge style differentials

2007-05-25T02:15:00.000+08:00

Keeping it real in China. More straight loungin' 3-wheel(non)motion style.

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Straight loungin' New York style. East Village wha!!

(This picture was sitting in my computer for the past 2 years waiting for that special moment to be shared with the world. That moment has arrived.)

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In other news, just got internets installed in my apartment. This is huge. Sky is the limit baby baabaaaaay. More posts with more regularity like x to the lizzax.

I spit hot fire

2007-05-15T18:25:00.000+08:00

Apparently the Powers-That-Be were distributing these graphic pamphlets/tissues packs the other day. You know, to help spread the message about not spitting. Onto the street. Spitting into the trash receptacle? YES!!! "Now, foreigners here to see the Olympics won't think Chinese people lack manners!"

What is ironic about this message, or rather what this message overlooks is the hocking factor. Chinese people like to get they hock-a-loogie on. We know this. But it's not just the loogie that is repugnant. We can't forget about the hocking. Hooooooccccckkkkkkkkk. Even old ladies do it. Like you're walking down the street and you hear: hoooooccckkkkkkk!!!!! You turn around and can't help but go, "Cah mon now, that ish is gross grandma!"

I guess it's like Pfife Dawg once said, "You get an E for effort and T for nice try."

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Just bought a blender. Smoothies back in e.f.f.e.c.t. Except frozen strawberries are like $15 here. How come nobody told me about the Freeze-The-Fruit premium in China? Luckily I managed the wherewithal to buy some Asian pears (USD .35) and put them in my freezer myself. Cause I'm crazy like that.

Anyway, my smoothie-making (word to Randy Moss!) resumption reminded me of another cultural difference I've found here in China. See sometimes the customer is not right here. Like no means no and that's that. For example, a while back a couple of colleagues, Viviane and Adam, and I went to get some fresh juice at this fresh juice joint.

Viviane orders a watermelon juice. The juicemaker takes some watermelon pieces and drops them into the juicer. I spy some sliced pears behind the counter, so I order a pear juice. The juicemaker takes the pear slices and drops them into the juicer. Figgy figgy fresh!

Then Adam steps up. He scans the fruit selection behind the counter. Oranges. Bananas. The proverbial light bulb goes off. "Can I have an orange and banana?"

Blank stare.

The juice maker finally responds, "Huuhhhwwwhhaaaaatttt???!!!!" (Lil' Jon-style.) OK, maybe I embellish.

The juicemaker looks at Adam, mutters "orange and banana" like he's crazy, and replies: "NO."

Adam is incredulous. "Are you serious? Why not?"

The juicemaker points to the posted menu. "Orange banana juice is not on the menu. Besides you can't put oranges and bananas together!"

"Yes, you can. You put those oranges right there and those bananas and you put them in the juicer."

"NO!!" Case closed.

Viviane quite enjoyed her watermelon juice. I thought my pear juice was quite refreshing. Adam wasn't all that impressed with his banana sans orange juice.

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P.S. My bike was locked.

Hip Hop + Nunchuks

2007-05-07T13:40:00.000+08:00

So I bought some wheels the other day cause you know I gotta stay fresh. (Couldn't find any 3-wheel action).

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Brand spanking new, we talking about USD 30. That's how I roll. Only Hi-Quarity. With a kickstand. Act like you know.

Then somebody jacked my bike last night. Dayam Debo.
--

Anyway, got a chance to go back to the MIDI Fest this past Friday.

Besides that last act in the video clip, a lot of the bands were not, well, mindblowing. I had to remind myself how new all this "youth culture" is for China's young generation. It's kind of developing in a vacuum, with no real precedence besides the good ol' propaganda songs ("Socialism Rules!").

One thing about the Midi Festival I noticed was the relative ease in getting a beer. Given that thousands of people were there, the wait was only 5 minutes. In the US I would imagine at least a 20-30 minute wait. Not sure if this is related, but the crowd did seem rather sober...

Scanning the crowd, though, the festival felt quite similar to a music festival back home. Obviously a lot the kids are taking their cue from outside, such as USandA.

For example, saw some Chinese Slayer looking dudes.

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Some crowd surfing.

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Sk8 or die little sha!

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The electronic music stage starting to get warmed up.

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Trees.

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Lee Jeans had an arts and crafts booth for people to make their own t-shirts. Commerce + DIY!

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Megadeth plus Lou Vee. Obviously.

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Vendors hawking their wares. "Dude the rainbow-colored clown wig is sooooo last year. Have you seen our all-purple one?"

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"Are you sure a medium will fit me? Can I just try this on?"

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Some Mr. T fans.

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As Nas once said: One mic. (plus one meat on a stick).

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Rihanna fans.

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Found: The Chinese Skeelo!

2007-05-02T12:44:00.000+08:00

3-wheel(non)motion. Harmoniously harmonious yadunheard.
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Yesterday checked out the Midi Festival at Haidian Park. Started 7 years ago by the Beijing Midi School of Music, this lil' shindigger is now the largest outdoor music festival in China, where bands come from all over the provinces to showcase "what they got." This year there was the main stage, the rock stage, the electronic music stage, the hip hop stage, and the MIDI/avant-garde stage (i.e., bleep bleep boop stage).

Found this clip covering last year's festival by danwai.org, who wondered if the DIY spirit would be totally overrun by the emerging commercial forces behind the event.

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Well at least imagery of DJing is not getting commecialized in China.

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These guys were my crowd MVP's.

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A view of the festival grounds from behind the hip hop stage. The park security guards wear gloves so you know not to mess with them. (One of the guys was later drinking a beer. Rock on!)

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My new favorite Chinese rappers, C.O.U. Hilarious. (Unintentional hilarity?)

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I took some video footage of this Mongolian rock band and the China DMC champion, DJ Wordy, but there was too much audio distortion. Sucks. Anyway, this Mongolian group had this singer that was pretty dope. Apparently a traditional Mongolian singing style entails using the back-lower throat. To me it sounded like when people imitate smokers, who have had a tracheotomy.

DJ Wordy was definitely legit with his wicky wicky's, but my favorite was this dance troupe. It was kind of like they were performing for a talent contest, as they were very earnest and had great outfits. Well see for yourself.

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And your boy, for those of you that try to act like they don't remember:

See you at the crossroads...

2007-04-26T22:54:00.000+08:00

Thought this Chicago intersection somewhat symbolizes my situation right now in the motherland. Which way do I go?!

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Except in the motherland there are more bikes and Chinese people.

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Anyway, I just got back to Beijing from Chicago (congratulations Mr. & Mrs. Thurston!) and am jetlagged like a muhfugga. It was my first visit back to North America since moving to China, and it was interesting to see America through the lens of a neophyte Beijinger. Like the air is so clean! Time moves really sloooooooow. Amellica is truly the land of the plentiful. Where are all the Chinese people?!

Also interesting to come back and (try to) explain my time in America to my Chinese teacher, who's never been outside of China.

Me: Well I didn't really have time to study my Chinese because I had no time.

Teacher: What were you doing?"

Me: [I try to look up "DJing" in my Chinese-English dictionary...no entry.] Uh, I was "preparing" music.

Teacher: You were composing music?

Me: No, no, I was well, uh, visiting friends and my parents also were in Chicago.

Teacher: What's "Chicago?"

Me: It's a city. You know, like Michael Qiaodan?

Teacher: [Blank look] Is it near New York?

Me: No, it's far.

Teacher: How many hours by car?

Me: Well my parents took a plane* to Chicago.

*I almost say, "Well my parents spanked that monkey to Chicago," but correct myself at the last second. Phew. You see in Chinese, when you want to say "spank that monkey" you apparently just say "hit airplane." Which is not that far off from saying "take airplane," especially for somebody who speaks really bad Chinese. [Did I just write the words "parents" and "spank that monkey" in the same sentence?!!]

Anyway, things I already miss about USandA:

1. Reeeibbs. Word to Gale Street Inn. Ain't no "probably" here.

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2. Straight lounging with my homeslices and homeslicettes on fatty couches.

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3. Tautological rap at its finest.

Can we take a moment to ponder the profundity? You see this guy, MIMS? He's hot for the following reasons. He is hot because, well, he is fly. And us? Well we are not hot because, well, we are just not (hot). Got it? And that is why he is so hot.

Modern day Descartes.

And since I'm in China this beat is not getting played out, so it's still pretty bonkers.

City of Dust to City of Wind

2007-04-18T15:56:00.000+08:00

Just got into Chi-town. People are "bigger-boned" here, and I can't help but notice how clean the air is. FYI: not as many Chinese people here.

Anyway things been kind of hectic in the motherland and have not had chance to update this piece as frequently as I'd like. Below is an anecdote from when I first moved into my apt.

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China. Anything is possible.

My first night after moving into my apartment, I go grocery shopping at the Western grocery shop, Jenny Lou's. I head back to my new crib with a huge jug of water, ramen noodles, chips, paper towels, toilet paper, etc. It is getting late, and there is not much lighting on my street. In NY, this lack of lighting would probably give me pause at this hour, but since I'm in China (and a cab driver told me China is very safe still so you know that fact has got to be true) I am not as concerned. Walk up to the front entrance where a few hours earlier I had brought in my 2 suitcases with all my worldly possessions in this hemisphere.

The gate is now locked. I wasn't given a key for this gate. I just have keys to my apartment door locks.

Hmmmmm.

I wonder if this is something akin to the non-24 hour elevator attendant system, where after midnight residents have to hoof it up the stairs. Is it some residual communist thing where Central Command dictates that you must be back in your home unit by 12am or it's tough t*tty for you? I am lugging all these groceries, and for those of you who know me well certainly know I do not take great pleasure in lugging. I hate lugging in fact.

I walk around to the left of the building, lugging. No other entrance. I walk to the right, lugging. I see some guys go into a building next to mine. I think maybe there is an entrance through the basement that connects the 2 buildings. I follow them down the steps, lugging. At a distance of course. Lugging all these groceries, I'm not trying to signal any intimations that I'm creeping on a come up. Enter this basement, and the surroundings remind me of Fight Club. I hear all this yelling from various directions. A Chinese Tyler Durden? Do people actually live down here? It is also reminiscent of Zion from the Matrix (not from Ludlow St). So surreal. Where the fock am I?!!!

I decide to lug me and my groceries right back up to the street. I am at a loss. I call Uncle Andy and rouse him from bed.

"Hey Uncle Andy, sorry to bother you so late, but is it possible the building locks its front entrance so that there is no access later at night?"

"Well it's China, so anything is possible."

Great. Not what I was hoping to hear in the near pitch dark standing in front of the locked gate, lugging groceries. I am about to toss my groceries over the fence and climb over, but then I see some people walk out of this entrance down the block. I decide to investigate, and I find this walkway that leads me down some circuitous, dimly lit path to the back of my...building. Home sweet home.

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Speaking of my abode, this is where the magic (of my Chinese absorption) happens. My laoshi (teacher) comes to my place five times a week, and I figured out how to record her--hence the headset--onto my computer for my own personalized Chinese podcasts. Word to the ni hao .

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Below is one of the local 24-hour fruit stands that plastic wrap the fruit, which for some reason reminds me of the couches in Coming to America.

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Read a pretty funny NYTimes article today, which called to mind a sign I saw in an elevator to Q Bar, where I made my Beijing DJing debut.

And of course this sign led me to wonder what Flavor Flav would think.

The sunflower is a symbol of friendship

2007-04-08T23:30:00.000+08:00

Olympic 3-wheelmotion.
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Got a request for a pic of the world famous China squat, of which I haven't actually seen that much since I've been here. I am wondering if this paucity of squatting relates to the public education campaign--in preparation for the Olympics--telling Chinese people not to spit on the streets (among other things). Personally, I think squatting is kind of cool, because it's like you can just chill anywhere, like fock it I'm just going to max right here.

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In addition to Hong Kong (see previous "1 of 5" post), I am finding there are also a lot of Chinese people in mainland China, like at the Xizhimen* subway station here in Beijing.

*Sounds like that song, "Chi Chi Mon." To me at least.

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OK, for those of you who didn't get the memo, it is officially the Year of China in Russia. Last year it was the Year of Russia in China. Get it? Recently I saw a fascinating TV program at my apt on the CC-TV9, the one and only English channel, and it sure was a doozie.

Let me provide a little context. The guy on the right is the Russian Deputy Foreign Minister. Or maybe the Russian ambassador to China. I don't remember exactly. In any case what's important is to recognize his contagious cheerfulness in contrast to the Chinese TV host. It was like he was waiting all week just to be on this show!

On this episode, they were apparently working on a book project to strengthen ties between Russia and China. By the time I got the wherewithal to document this TV magic, the conversation had turned to ideas for a book cover.

My favorite exchange:

"So do you have any idea perhaps for our cover art?"

"Yup. I would rather focus on the contents of the book..." [Zinger]

Copper sweat

2007-03-31T22:36:00.000+08:00

3-wheelmotion with the top up.

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This past week my pops was in town to meet with his Chinese astronomer counterparts. On Wednesday, I had the chance to attend one of his talks--a talk I was worried would be laden with highly technical terminology--and I was blown away.

Blown away by the smell of head. I mean like whoa. For those of you who don't know, head is a primary smell and is apparently found in large quantities in the halls of higher learning in China. What exactly is this primary smell, this head smell? Of course for a better description, I had to defer again to the Head Primary Smell Expert.

"Describing the smell of head is much like describing the color red to someone who is color blind. It's so intimately knowable and yet so completely unconveyable, at least by way of normal description. Most smells can be characterized by reference to other smells. A fart, for example, can take on the attributes of dumpster, eggs, and corpse. Or broccoli, homeless man, and Roquefort. Head, on the other hand, is a primary smell -- one of only a handful of primordial odors that are derivative of nothing else. Acknowledging these constraints, I will try my best to create an impressionistic description of head by way of free association/poetry. Here goes.....stinky head glandy pores humid but arid yet humid, scurf embossed in seborrheic humors the larger the chunks the worse the funk, smell it in Chinatown smell it in Crown Heights copper sweat cheese grandpa. Copper sweat cheese grandpa. Copper sweat cheese. Grandpa, wash your balls."

-S*th S*arls (March 31st, 2007)

So according to the description above, I took a 55 minute cab ride (8 USD) across town to hear a talk about Masers and Dark Energy and other stuff I don't know too much about, only to walk right into an ambush of an army of grandpas who haven't adequately cleansed their nether regions. Whew.

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In more appetizing matters, I got to accompany the astronomers for some delicious eats. One night we went to this Xinjiang restaurant, which featured some indigenous dancers.

Mr. James Ramsey recently explained to me that Xinjiang, a province in the western part of China through which the silk roads snaked, at one point had a language called Tocharian that is related to Celtic. Lost Scots in China! So interesting.

From the outside, China is often thought of as this monolithic entity. But you have these provinces where people don't look "Chinese." Or dance like Chinese people, at least like the Chinese people I've seen dancing (i.e., like they were auditioning for Weekend at Bernie's).

The girls in NY Chinatown can't dance like that no they can't. Watching the dancers, I was like, "Am I even in China?"
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During the next clip, I asked myself, "Did Xinjiang happen to come up with a music style remarkably similar to reggaeton or am I in Puerto Rico with Charlie Chaplin?"

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This guy reminded me of Don Magic Juan. Of Xinjiang that is.

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For your reference, this is a picture of Snoop's bud, Don Magic Juan.

Peeeimpin'. Literally.

"I can't breathe!"

2007-03-25T17:39:00.000+08:00

Hand in hand with all of this rapid industrialization and massive modernization efforts in China comes, of course, some serious pollution. Like totally serious. A couple of days after posting the pictures of the skyscraper construction projects, I looked out the same window from my office building and...

That's grimey yo.
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Here are the pics again from before.

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As you can see there's a bit of a difference between a clear day and a not-so-clear day. Apparently the air pollution gets even worse during the summer. To convey what an arduous exercise just breathing can be--given the aforementioned stink rock and all the pollution--I thought the last part of the video clip below provides a poignant example. Sort of. AUDIO IS CRUCIAL.

"I can't breathe!"

I can't get enough of this clip, particularly the ultramega heartfelt concern the anchorpeople express. Seriously how good is this clip?!

Robotic futuristic George Jetson craaaa...

2007-03-21T22:13:00.000+08:00

Had this grand notion to catalog all the buildings getting they erect on (I can't help but to dip into the "get my/they ____ on" pool; it's the gift that keeps on giving, but I'll try to lay off it for while...no promises), but I basically got lazy so I'll post these pics for now.

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These next to photos were taken from the office building where I'm working.

One of my bosses, Dan, showed me some renderings for the construction project across the street, which will house the new (state-owned) CCTV headquarters. Rem Koolhaas designed this bad boy on that ol' robotic futuristic George Jetson, craaaaa..."

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For further explication of recurrent "futuristic George Jetson craaaa..." references, see/hear below (the intro):

It's just my opinion, but I don't think Craig Mack was the most handsome MC in the history of hip hop.
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More George Jetson futuristic robotic ish. Check out the Beijing Olympic Stadium.

The Beijing Olympics in summer of 2008 is going to be China's coming out party. It's going to be off the wok. All this construction (that I planned to/but did not document) is supposed to be completed by then. Nuts. Nuts I say.

It's going to be just like in the video below, except for the last part. More on the celebration end of the spectrum, less on the sinister alien invasion end of the spectrum. Or maybe the "aliens" are just late-coming celebrators wearing alien costumes.

Word to Ms. Mack-Lowe for showing this to me.

(Trying to) be a man!

2007-03-20T23:21:00.000+08:00

One thing I have noticed since moving to China is a significantly higher occurrence rate of stink rock*. Whew. Man I don't know what it is. So many people, both men and women's breath smell like stink rock. It's so powerful, so overpowering, and it makes me mad. I don't want to talk to these people. Like taxi drivers, shop keepers, co-workers, etc. Usually they're very nice people, but part me of wants me to just throat chop them when they talk.

*For those of you who are not familiar (i.e., probably 98% of the population) with the term, "stink rock," I thought I would defer to the Stink Rock Expert himself, who so graciously provided this definition:

"Stink rock is a highly dense assemblage of foods, typically lodged in a small crevice in the back of tonsils. As more food enters, it gets packed in and pressurized, much like the creation of a precious jewel. Saliva and other oral enzymes bleach the food of its color. It starts to rot almost immediately, fermenting in the saliva. Eventually, it can be coughed out. If crushed, all the rot of a thousand foodstuffs is released almost immediately. To an untrained nose, the odor can be almost unbearable."

-S*th S*arls, March 20th, 2007

Anyway, that sh!t is gross son! I don't know what it is. Is it the diet? The stinky tofu dishes? A genetic propensity passed down from generation to generation? Is there DNA testing for this?

My latest hypothesis centers on the vocalization requirements for the Chinese language. In order to master the tones, one needs to train the vocal chord to modulate and undulate with utmost precision to get the pitches just right. Perhaps all this modulation and undulation of the vocal chords serves to dislodge the aforementioned stink rock, releasing a perpetually unbearably potent strand of halitosis. In other words, some people's breath smells like poo. (No offense to any of you with stink rock. And of course, now I'm paranoid that I've had stink rock break all this time and nobody has told me. If so, my profuse apologies!)

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While I'm getting my rant on, can I express my displeasure with Nivea? See, Beijing is super arid. It's apparently at the edge of a desert, and I noticed my lips getting mighty chapped. I went to the store to rectify and saw all this lip gloss. Then I noticed a familiar brand. Nivea! Not there's anything wrong getting lip gloss (and then getting a foot massage), but I thought I'd get the Nivea for Men. And then get a foot massage.

Then I walked outside and went to apply the lip protection. This is the product:

I just didn't feel too tough applying my new Nivea for Men lip care product. I feel bamboozled.

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Went to this club the other night and witnessed a frightening scenario (for a DJ).

The crowd was going bonkers to this song. Singing along, hands in the air! I was like if I had to follow this DJ, what in theeee darn tarnation would I play?

Hmmmm. Maybe this. MSTRKRFT is that hot fire!

Probably the best Chinese electric slide

2007-03-19T23:21:00.000+08:00

Riding dirty...

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Speaking of riding dirty, that's a mangy @ss horse. Or is that a mule? The Chinese Seabiscuit yo!

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And then Qiaaaaaaaoodan* dunked over Mark Eaton. When he ran back up the court, he turned back and said, "Is he big enough for you?"

*Pronounced: Cheeyowdan. (Say Cheeyowdan 10 times in a row and see what it sounds like...)

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Can somebody tell me if there is some ad agency here that is trying to carve out the "probably the best" niche for all their clients? Cause I think that would be a great place to work. It'd be so easy.

"What? You want us to create a new media presence for you? Don't worry about this so-called new media thing. It's only for businesses who are trying to claim they are the best. You're only probably the best. And yes I do realize that you serve Swedish food, but we have this great picture of this guy who really likes to play racquetball from Iowa..."

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I heard this music as I walked by the Workers' Stadium, which is where they play the big football (soccer) games, and I saw...

The Chinese Electric Slide!!! Also notice the Chinese version of hacky-sack (aka Ball With Feather). I was bumping that new turboradness mixed by DJ Equal, another famed Morrisey Park alumnus, and it goes surprisingly well organized Chinese dancing.

Once you go...

2007-03-16T20:24:00.000+08:00

One great thing about moving to China is you get to really appreciate all the different cultural nuances, such as the different ways of thinking. Take the war on terror for example. Instead of trying to find Bin Ladin on the border of Afghanistan and Pakistan, why not try to lure him out with luxury apartment units?

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You know what they say: "Once you go blackcock and walnut Bo Chi...you never go back."

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I imagine it can be hard for appliance salesemen here sometimes.

"M'am, have you seen our latest Maytag dryer with the Oversized Capacity Plus/Intelli Dry Sensor & Quiet Plus 200. It sure is a doozie."

"Look I don't need all this newfangled gobbledygook. Don't you see I already got...a tree?!"

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The celebration of a new year was also a bit different here. Overall (besides the hong bao's of course), I thought Chinese New Year's here was a bit disappointing, if I might be so frank. Upon further reflection, however, I realized my feeling that something was left wanting stemmed from certain unfair pre-expectations.

Having pretty much celebrated all my New Year's in the USandA, the idea of New Year's has now ensconced itself in my brain as, uh, well like a party. I think high school is when I really started to look forward to New Year's as a time to celebrate. All of your friends imbibing together, and most importantly there was that potential, that chance you could kiss a girl, maybe even that really cute girl you had a crush on. (Who started that tradition and why was he, or she, such a genius?)

6!!...5!!...4!!!...3!!!!!!...2!!!!!!!...(scanning the room frantically and strategically positioning yourself)...well I never actually kissed anyone myself, but there was that hope OK?

There was also a high probability that somebody would drink too much and make an @ss out of himself. Like passing out on the stairs and peeing their pants. That was so awesome.

When I owned a bar in the East Village, New Year's also meant the biggest night of the year (and biggest bar ring). That was pretty sweet as well. Except that one year when a girl spilled an entire drink all over the DJ mixer and the music cut out at 12:04am when people were still guzzling their champagne flutes and then everyone left because they wanted to hear music and having no music was a serious buzzkill and thousands of dollars walked right out of the door and I was like this really sucks and then later that night I ended up hooking up with somebody who in retrospect I probably shouldn't have hooked up with but she was really attractive and I was seduced really hey wait I kissed her at midnight!

Anyway I was pretty excited to celebrate my first Chinese New Year's in China. My first time to properly celebrate. Another huge party! Somebody might pee in their pants!

Wrong.

See Chinese New Year's in China is more like xmas. School is out for a month. Offices are closed for a week. The whole country is pretty much shut down. It's all about family time. I heard that 250 million people rode the trains over the holiday to visit their various hometowns. For many Chinese, this is the only time of year they get to see their family back home.

And I thought how ludicrous it would be to come somewhere in America on xmas and carry the expectation that you were going to some crazy party with lots of girls that you may (or may not) be able to kiss at midnight and hopefully see somebody pee their pants. Sure you might find some people at the bar, but it's not the same. Most people are at home with their families. And if somebody does pee their pants, it's really pretty sad, like dude don't you have a family?

The last day of the Spring Festival (Chinese New Year's), however, was pretty cool. This day is apparently the day when Chinese people spark up the fireworks. Chinese people straight lighting off fireworks on some Chinese firecracker kack-kack-kack-kaaack! How did I know about this tradition? I saw some flashes looking out the window, and then when I stepped outside...

It was like Beijing was B.O.B. (Bombs Over Bagdad like that Outkast song). Speaking of which, when was the last time you saw that video, or even heard that song?

That song was kind of waaaay ahead of its time on some futuristic George Jetson craaaa...! On the flip side Amy Winehouse brings back that old Billie Holliday vibe. For me at least. Dope. Word to Christine Moon for keeping a brotha informed o'er here

798 reeeeibs

2007-03-11T21:12:00.000+08:00

Pimped out 3-Wheel Motion.

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Steadily getting settled into life in Beijing. Actually found an apartment this past Thursday and moved in today. Got a furnished a 1-BR for a little over 200 USD/month*. Word. I have accommodation capabilities now.

*This was only made possible by my Auntie Eulalia, who speaks Chinese and opened up the hometown channels.

Also found a place to eat reeeeeibs!!! (See the video below, which is actually a melange of clips).

(1) I told you Chinese people like lights. I am pretty sure that's the biggest LCD I have ever seen. This was actually that new mall, The Place, I had mentioned earlier with the Adidas store bumping Gin and Juice.

(2) Not sure about you, but when I saw that gate, I really didn't expect it to be such a thoroughfare. Then I wondered if anyone has ever gotten stuck. Then I thought that the gate discriminates against fat people and people with big heads like myself.

(3) Beijing's cuisines are diversifying on the quickness. Of course you got the 3-Wheel Motion grub purveyors, who I think have been doing their thing for years.

But then I also went to a place that serves reeeibs yo. This place, Tim's BBQ, has been open for about 6 months. Before this place, my understanding is there was no ribs place in Beijing. Ever. This is the first. Decent, but ain't no Gale(sp?) Street Inn's, or even Fat Willy's.

This last restaurant is probably the nicest Chinese restaurant I have ever been to. The decor is all classy, which is something you don't really see too often (like never) in Chinatown. I ate some more mean @ss duck (but no goose) meat. Once again, big ups to Susan Chen and Mr. Stanley.

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I'm also getting all edified. My work colleagues, Dan and Adam, were gracious enough to invite me out to Artwalk , this event their girlfriends had organized in what's called the 798 district. Apparently this is one of the few areas in the city that officials have decided to protect against the unremitting onslaught of high rise construction.

My favorite exhibit was called something like, "Workers painting black and white." Genius. At first, I wondered if this another one of those China things where the gallery owner was like, fock we're not done painting. Fock it!

Another example of "one of those China things" is the practice of employing an elevator attendant in apartment buildings. Like even real crappy ones. So this apartment I looked at last week was on the 11th floor. After midnight the elevator attendant goes home for safety reasons (for the attendant or the residents I'm not sure about). I imagined coming home after doing the roger rabbit and the cabbage patch all night and then contending with 11 flights of stairs. Nah nah I don't gets down like that.

My new apartment actually has the same deal, but I'm only on the 3rd floor.

Anyway, there was also a party at the end of Artwalk, which reminded me of the First Friday's parties at the Guggenheim, albeit on slightly smaller scale. Beijng hipsters!

They had these classic photos blown up from the Mao era with the revolutionary design aesthetic, which I actually really dig.

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And speaking of aesthetics, I'm pretty sure this guy was a bad guy in a Jackie Chan movie or something. He got a hurricane kick to the dome and fell off the bamboo scaffolding. Ganxta!

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"Frank, I am telling you I am loving my new location. You know the old barbershop, I mean I just couldn't take it anymore. Everybody's always talking sh!t. I needed some peace and quiet from all that. Sometimes you just gotta get some fresh air!"

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Just like the barber above knows, sometimes in China you gotta just mellow out. Word to Moe and Amanda for independently putting me on to Phoenix, who have moved into heavy rotation. Below is not my favorite Phoenix song, but the video is kind of cool.

But if we're going to be on some stop motion graphics ish then I gotta go with these dudes.

And that's about it y'alls.

Not so short bus (Word to David Ho)

2007-03-05T20:15:00.000+08:00

The other day I decided to explore the different transportation options offered in Beijing. I found out that the bus fare is .12 (USD) and even cheaper with a bus card. I wanted to get my authentic Chinese ride on so I packed up some single yuans (aka the Chinese George Washington's) and headed out with a nebulous plan to find a bus to take me to Starbucks.

See a group of people at a stop, so I go over to check it out. There are like 20 bus lines listed on the sign. Should I take the 43, 116, 703, 834, or something in between? Since I do not (a) read Chinese and (b) know Beijing very well, I have no idea where each bus is supposed to go. Three buses approach and people start queuing up. So I was like fock it this 703 bus looks good.

In order to get to this Starbucks I've been hitting, I just need the bus to go straight for a few blocks, and I can get off. Instead at the first major intersection, the bus goes left. Hmmmmm. Then I get a "David Ho"* inspiration and decide to just ride it out nahmean and see where the bus takes me. Because taxis are so cheap here (e.g., $8 for 45 minute ride to airport), I figure if anything I can just get off and hop in a cab and go back to the apt.

[*When I was growing up there was a kid in my town named David Ho, a special kid if you will, who enjoyed spending his weekends and free time riding the bus around town. He would just ride the bus till the end of the line, wherever that was and then ride back. Back and forth back and forth. He also used to really like Mickey Mouse. When I was in 7th grade, some 8th graders told him that Mickey Mouse got shot, and he ran around the halls crying hysterically, "Noooooo!!!!!!! Mickey Mouse died! Mickey Mouse died!!! Waaahhhhhh!!!!"]

So I'm just cruising, checking out parts of Beijing I have never seen before (i.e., 95% of the city), and then my phone rings. Unknown number. Who can this be?

"What up my China Man!!!"

It's my favorite newly naturalized Italian citizen, Mr. Fitzpatrick, who himself recently moved to London. He is living a tad different lifestyle more akin to Jim Jones ("Ballin!").

It is about 1pm on Sunday afternoon in Beijing, so I figure it's about 4 or 5am on Sunday morning o'er in London.

"Just got back home yeah yeah. Just a regular night out in London, you know, spent $200 (USD) in cabs..."

I chuckle to myself as I look out the window on the bus that cost .12 (USD) to get on. People are staring at me as I don't think many non-locals ride this piece. A different world indeed. I haven't talked to Tommy in a while, so we catch up and then the connection starts to get crappy. I look up, and I realize I've been riding this bus for like over 30 minutes and I have absolutely no idea where I am.

Fock it.

I'm going to David Ho this mothertrucker and keep riding!

Then the bus stops at what appears to be the end of the line, and everybody on the bus starts to get off.

OK, so I guess this is where I'll get off. I look at the bus number to confirm 703. Uh, why does it say 43?! Did the number change while I was riding? WTF?! (It turns out I actually took the 43 from the get-go. More than one homages to David Ho on this day.)

I conjecture that I am pretty far from the center of Beijing. It certainly feels authentic. I don't see a single weiguoren (foreigner). I like how courteous and resourceful the community is with the brick pathway.

And you know I have to give love to the 3-Wheel Motion that serves grub!

I try to figure out my way back by taking a bus in the opposite direction, but I can only find a No. 12 bus. I take it for a while but then it starts looping back and I'm seeing the same buildings again. Uh oh. Hop off and catch a cab. We drive for a long time, but only costs $4 (USD). Four hours after leaving the apt, I'm finally back.

Word to David Ho.

Last pics of Hong Kong

2007-03-03T22:07:00.000+08:00

[Some last pics of Hong Kong that I didn't get a chance to load up until now.]

Weather was crazy warm in HK with the temperature in the 70s (but mad humid you know how Asia do). When it wasn't hazy the view during the day wasn't too shabby either.

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Just saw "Night at the Museum" on a DVD I bought for 70 cents (USD). For some reason when Ben Stiller started speaking in Russian, I started to have this sneaking suspicion that maybe this product was not 100% legit. Anyway the 2 buildings in the background below remind of those giant Easter Island heads. What makes the picture for me though is the dolphin refuse receptacle.

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And what night out in HK could be complete without a trip to Lan Kwai Fong?

It's literally bar next to bar next to a pub under a club overlooking a pub. Take that NYC zoning bureaucrats!
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In order to deal with the never-ending swarms of people I often found refuge by putting on earphones and listening to the good ol' ipod. One day I brought it back and dug up The Chronic. Wow. So good. When was the last time you listened to that album front to back? I kind of forgot how formidable young Snoop was. Seriously how sick/slept on is the track, "Stranded on Death Row"? You got Bushwick Bill on a Dr. Dre track = Genius.

Definitely made for some interesting audio/visual juxtapositions...

"Rat-tat-tat-tat-tat-tat like that!"
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Charlie can relate to this.

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Hong Kong got sneaker heads too.

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I apologize for the blurriness of this next picture, but I couldn't believe my eyes. I wondered if this dude:

a) has been rocking the French roll since the 80s.
b) recently decided to bring it back and be "ironic."
c) came up with this new rolling up style on his own like on some Newton and Leibniz ish.

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"Have you seen my sunglasses girlfriend? You know I can't be leaving the house without my Versace's. I gots to look good heyyyy!! Don't rush me OK I have to find these sunglasses! All I have is this visor with a shaded bill. For real where are my sunglasses?! Wait hold up hold up! What if I just take this visor and..."

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Got back to Beijing on Wednesday. So fresh and so clean it is not. Beijing is like the raw ("I'ma give it to ya/with no trivia...") with all its construction and development. You can taste the development when you breathe (gross son!). The air actually reminds me of NY in the weeks following 9/11, which is not a good thing.

Pretty interesting though to see the contrast between Hong Kong and Beijing. Hong Kong is much more like New York in the sense that a "been there done that" attitude pervades. In Beijing everything is so new and fresh. Many of all these buildings and restaurants and bars and stores and everything have only sprung up in the past 5-10 years. Everything is on the come up.

Got the gears in the noggin' going. Do Chinese people wanna throw some D's on it too?

Cloud City (Be a Man!)

2007-02-23T14:39:00.000+08:00

When it's clear the view of Hong Kong is not too shabby at night.
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Lights!Lights!Lights! even on the traffic dividers.
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More pig homages.
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Cloud City Lando Calrissian-style.
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Chillin' on the patio at Steve's, whose work you might recognize from the good ol' Anti-Social Club at the Morrisey Park Gallery from back in the dizzay. [www.metalwing.net]

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Got a loaf reduction here. Saw this sign and thought this place haaaaas to be good. (Steve did not paint the entryway.)
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"Regular exercise will keep you fit." (Saw this sign as I walked up a completely empty stairwell exiting the subway station. 10 ft over to my right there were hundreds of people riding the escalator.)
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Did you know T.J.'s cousin lives in Hong Kong?

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I saw Snoop come out of here. I swear.
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Excellent elegance indeed...
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If VH-1 ever introduces The Yella Rapper Show, this would be the rhyme I'd submit:

Wack booty MC's I eat like duck/goose meat
Wanna step to me? Just check me, at...

Hallelujah hollaback. (Can somebody tell me who's The White Rapper winner? The suspense is killing me.)
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For those of you with a lot of spare time/bandwidth, check out the following clip to get a better idea of what haggling is like in China. Let it load up a bit--patience--and then go to about 11:55 minutes into it. (Word to Ms. Yoo for passing this on.)

Gong Hay Fat Choy! (from Hong Kong)

2007-02-20T17:30:00.000+08:00

Pam wanted to see some pics of Chinese New Year celebrations in Hong Kong so she can share them with her students. Here goes what I gots:

Below are some good ol' hong bao's (red envelops) filled with C.R.E.A.M. that children receive from their elders. Eligibility is based on single status. Once you get married you gotta start paying up. As I am still unmarried, my relatives all had to give me hong bao's. "Happy New Year! When are you getting married?" Translation: "Cah mon already yo I'm sick of giving you money!"

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As of Feb. 18th, 2007 it is now the Year of the Golden Pig. Thus little golden pigs pepper the urban landscape.

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Apt building entrances are all decked out. Instead of Christmas trees little Mandarin orange trees is the steez nahmean?

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On my way to visit my friend, Steve, I passed by the Man Mo Temple.

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Inside I saw a bunch of people burning incense and banging on drums (reminding me of Eddie Murphy in "Golden Child").

Happy Chinese New Year to everyone! Gung Hay Fat Choy! (Cantonese)/Gongxi Facai! (Mandarin), which basically means: Get that paper for the 2 Double O Seven y'alls!!!

1 out of 5

2007-02-17T14:36:00.000+08:00

According to certain demographic analyses, 1 out of every 5 people on Planet Earth is Chinese. On behalf of those of you who are dubious of these estimates, I took it upon myself to find out where these Chinese people might be.

I think I found them. (A lot of them are in China--and Hong Kong has its share).

On the subway:

From Hong Kong 01

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On the streets:

From Hong Kong 01

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I like how they have traffic ribbons holding the peoples back. They should try that in NY!

I am telling you there are mad Chinese people up in this piece!

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This is a Chinese New Year's fair that reminded me the San Gennaro Festival (i.e., overcrowded/overrated) on Mulberry St.

From Hong Kong 01

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This sign did not seem very Happy Chinese New Year-ish.

From Hong Kong 01

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Was listening to Lily Allen walking around the Central District in Hong Kong, which I found somewhat apropos.

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Cause then I saw this dude:

From Hong Kong 01

Wu-tang Clan ain't nuthin to f*** wit'!
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And then I think I saw a Chinese Guardian Angel!

From Hong Kong 01

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Gotta ready for New Year's Eve feast with my #1 Uncle.

Random Bejing and Hong Kong pics

2007-02-16T15:50:00.000+08:00

Beijing Pics:

Chillin at the foot massage place (post-massage) drinking chrysanthemum tea with Susan and Kevin. And watching Seinfeld.

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Across the street from the bootleg shopping center I found a more upscale mall all decked out in Chinese New Year's decorations celebrating the Year of the Golden Pig. Reminded me of a manger scene. I wonder if people here lament how Chinese New Year's is becoming too commercialized.

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Flew into HK a couple of days ago to visit my grandmizzles and took the airport express train into downtown Hong Kong. Wouldn't it be nice if there was something like this to JFK?

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For all of you low on undies, I thought I'd pass on this announcement:

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I am getting the sense that Chinese people like lights.

Real deal Holyfield

2007-02-14T00:12:00.000+08:00

About 11am today I get a text message from my friend Susan, who was in town from Hong Kong on business.

"Peking duck dinner and then foot massage tonight. You interested?"

Hmmmm. I deliberate. Am I mad at Peking duck? The dish where they slice the duck real thin and you make a lil' Chinese-style fajita with some tasty fixin's? No I am not mad.

And a foot massage? Hey I figure I got at least a 49 in 50 chance this time. And Susan, a frequent Beijing visitor, probably knows a better spot (than the place in the bootleg shopping center).

"Count me in."

Get to the restaurant a tad late and apologize to Susan and her friend, Kevin. Needless to say, food = bomb. Peking duck in Peking is not bad at all (bu cuo!), if not downright delicious. After dinner I must say I was quite content. Sated, if you will.

But then Susan and Kevin remind me that we still have to go to the foot massage place. It's clear they have been to this place before, and I must say I am intrigued by the way they talk about it. 90 minute foot massage.
Free food and drinks. 138 yuan (or roughly $18 USD). $18?!!

Hop in a cab and then arrive at this classy looking joint. Reminds me of the onsen (natural hot springs) lobbies in Japan. The hostess takes us to a private room with 4 plush recliner chairs. This is already much better than sitting crammed with 49 other bootleg shoppers. We peruse the menu that offers complimentary soup noodles, sammiches, fruit juice (no grape drink though), chysanthemum tea, coffee, etc.

Sit down and there is an LCD TV for our viewing pleasure. On the side table lies an electronic bell in case we need to re-up our complimentary nourishments. That's what I'm talking 'bout. This place is peeeeimp.

The foot masseuses enter. 2 girls and 1 guy. Uh oh. The guy goes to Susan (not like it was a big deal or anything), and the girls attend to Kevin and me. First order of business is a neck and shoulder massage. Wow. I am not mad at this. Not at all. $18?

After 30 minutes of loosening up our neck and shoulder muscle fibers, the masseuses provide us with a heated neck cushion. Then the foot massage begins. The 3 of us sitting side by side in our plush recliners, straight loungin'. This masseuse knows what's up. Hitting pressure points and getting the qi flowing like a mofo. 60 minutes later and my relaxation levels exhibit some serious positive curvature (you know I had to get "positive curvature" in this blog Linda!).

Then Susan decides to get a head massage. At this point, I'm like sure why not. I'm not afraid of more relaxation. I was always a big fan of the $7 shampoo/head massage in the NY Chinatown. You know this. The girl then presses a button and my chair reclines even more! Can't stop won't stop.

Another 60 minutes later, and I think to myself: I like China.

Pirate treasure

2007-02-13T05:32:00.000+08:00

OK, so for those of you who have been to Canal St. in the NY Chinatown know a lil' sum sum about the Chinese knack for knock-offs. As I mentioned before, I went to this mall (where I got that foot massage and nothing moved) the other day, and it was like knock-off mania. 5 floors of clothes, shoes, belts, bags, electronics, and all sorts of knick-knacks. I think I even saw some bootleg ipods. Basically it was like taking all the street vendors twice over on Canal St and condensing them into a giant shopping center, which is basically what the government did to clear space for new modernized building development.

At first, to be quite honest, I was a bit overwhelmed so I put on my earphones and started listening to the new Clipse album ("Got It For Cheap!") to get my mind right to start haggling. It's like a Chinese past-time.

There are no price tags. You ask one of the vendors for a price, and they invariably take out a calculator and punch in some numbers. The basic algrorhythm adds x% for waiguoren (foreigners) and x+y% for Chinese people who can't speak Chinese like myself. I had asked Uncle Andy earlier what was the norm for the haggling, and he gave me a rule of thumb: Just counteroffer 1/2 of their initial quoted price.

There are Diesel jackets, Polo shirts, Nike warm up suits and Air Jordan shoes. I turn down my ipod for a few seconds, and all you can hear is yapping and squawking. "Very good price!" "Very special!"

I decide to start out small. I am actually looking for some t-shirts, as I did not pack enough. Most of the t-shirts though are too crazy with graphics all over front and back. Not really my steez. I find this one vendor, who's selling some rather understated Chinese themed t-shirts. I inquire about the price for one.

"Just one?! You look for another t-shirt. Very nice."

"No no one will be just fine."

"No look. Look at these nice t-shirts. Very nice. Very special!"

I figure, sure why not, I'll try to get a 2-for-1 type discount deal. So I pick out another t-shirt that has a dragon on it (Word to my Year of the Dragon peeps...this is supposed to be a good year for us!) and ask for a price. Out comes the calculator.

"OK, this very special deal." The girl punches in the numbers: 720. With the 50% rule of thumb in mind, I blurt out, "360!" She looks at me in shock.

"Nooo these t-shirts very special quality!! OK I give you very special price only for you. Only for you OK?" I am momentarily touched. She punches in 660.

660?

That's not anywhere near half off. "500!" I'm having a good time just blurting numbers. Since I have only been here a few days, the colorful Chinese money still has a monopoly-like feel to it.

She punches in 500. Getting closer. Then I start taking it more seriously, and I do the calculations in my head. Hmmm let's see, the exchange rate is 7.75 yuan to 1 USD. Whoa. $60+ for 2 t-shirts? I mean, the quality of the fabric is actually pretty good, but wait a minute. Wait just one second here. These ain't no designer t-shirts! I'm not in Tokyo.

So I start to walk off, and the girl starts to get frantic. She grabs my arm. "Nooo waiiiittt!! Just tell me your price. Please. Tell me what you can pay."

"Sorry not interested." $32.5 for a t-shirt in the bootleg mall? No thanks.

"No you tell me what you pay. Please. I make no money today. Please tell me what you want to pay." Another lady starts chiming in. "We make no money today. We give you very special price. Please!" The first girl is still clinging to my arm.

I start thinking about the average Chinese person, who makes about 1000 yuan/month. Now it's not even about the t-shirts and whether I want them or not.

"200."

"220!"

I think, whatever, it's just another $2 and change USD. "OK, fine." I pull out the 220 yuan, but then the girl is all cross, muttering to herself.

"You very tough. You make hard bargain!" And she disgustedly hands me my 2 t-shirts. But then she adds, "I give you good deal, so you remember me and come back OK?"

I walk away and think wow she kind of screwed that one up. At one point I was offering her 500, and she turned that down! The Chinese Greed Unit. (Seth, I found somebody I want you to meet!). Then I think back to her orginal price. 720?! That's like $45 per t-shirt! Dayam. I wonder if they're are tourists that actually pay that. Even so I know I still overpaid! Oh well.

Then I think, all this shopping and haggling is tuckering a brotha out. It sure would be real nice to get a foot massage right about now...

1 out of 50

2007-02-11T20:38:00.000+08:00

Actually did some sightseeing yesterday. Checked out Tiananmen Square, which is just south of the Forbidden City. If I'm not mistaken, the Mao Mausoleum (where Chairman Mao's body rests embalmed) is in the background below.

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Fun fact of the day: Tiananmen Square is the largest city square in the world (according to the sign that also said not to spit) and where many of the big-time government buildings are located.

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Below is the Gate of Heavenly Peace with that famous giant portrait of Chairman Mao, where everybody and I mean everybody has to take a picture. It's like some Jedi force.

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Once you go under Mao's head and enter the through the gate, you're on your way to the Forbidden City, which is where the emperor resided back in the day.

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And that's it for pictures of the Forbidden City, because by the time I got to the entrance the ticket office was closed. So instead I took a picture of G-Unit B-B-B-B-B-B-Beijing.

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I am finding that Chinese language can be very literal.

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I mean, like real literal. (Yeah those are for you-know-whats.)

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Today I saw 3-wheeler triumvirate. I gotta get one of these.

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Below is one of my favorite restaurants so far. A meal is around $2 USD. In no particular they got porridge, noodles, and the uncut Peruvian.

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So my friend Amanda recently went to Beijing and told me that I had to get a foot massage when I got here. For some reason foot massage places are everywhere and they're like $5 USD for 30 minutes. Earlier today I went to this shopping mall, which I'll discuss in more detail later, and I stumbled across this section where around 50 shoppers were getting manicures, pedicures, and...foot massages. I was like fock it let's do this. And so goes my story of my first foot massage in Beijing.

There are 2 rows of chairs facing each other about 25 deep, and I am instructed to take a seat. Now I look around not knowing really what to expect, and I see all these with young women attending to the men and women shoppers.

At first I have to wait, as it's packed. I look around, wondering which one of these girls is going to give me this long awaited foot massage. After a few minutes I finally get some service when a dude puts a stool in front of me and lays out massage oil and towels. I'm like, cool, this guy is so helpful, getting everything ready for my foot masseuse. I am thinking this could be real nice having some girl massage my feet right about now, especially for 5 duckets.

But then the dude takes a seat. Huh? I am kind of befuddled. Uh, how come I got the only male foot masseuse in this joint while the other 49 shoppers all have female foot masseuses?! I mean it's cool and all. Not like it's going to move or anything.

Alright I have to go now and look up "I can't quit you" in Chinese.

At the car wash...

2007-02-10T12:29:00.000+08:00

Harmonious 3-wheel motion yaheard.

Back in Starbucks listening to that track, Come Around, by Collie Buddz, the new and improved Snow and Matisyahu (aka white dude singing reggae).

Kind of fitting because my transition has been smoothed out quite nicely with the assistance of my "Uncle Andy," who is a white guy who speaks fluent Mandarin Chinese. He's my uncle in the Chinese style sense where there is no actual blood relation. Specifically he is the husband of my mom's best friend, Auntie Eulalia, from growing up in Macao* at a Portuguese Catholic boarding school. My mom and Auntie Eulalia known each other since they were like 7 years old!

*former Portuguese colony near Hong Kong that has recently surpassed Las Vegas in terms of gambling revenue. Too much Sam Rothstein?

Fast fwd a few decades and I'm here in China, the motherland, and since I can't speak much Chinese at this juncture Uncle Andy has been very kind to house me and show me around. I think this throws some of the locals for a loop: Waiguoren (foreigner) speaking fluent Chinese leading around a Chinese dude, whose Chinese sucks but speaks fluent English (and is conversant in ebonics--for those keeping record).

Went to the car wash earlier today. I like how the clothes are hanging out to dry nearby. Car wash/laundry drying machine.

Alright going to grab some noodles and check out the Forbidden City, where they dance the lambada or something like that.

Random Pics from Feb. 8th

2007-02-09T10:52:00.000+08:00

Yup they still got bikes up in this piece.

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I was listening to Young Jeezy's, "I Luv It," on my ipod walking down the street getting AMPED son!

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...and then I came across this sign, which struck me as kind of un-Jeezy.

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This new apt complex for some reason made me think that the Wu-Tang Clan might enjoy living here.
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This is that mall, The Place, where I found Snoop Dogg playing at the Adidas Store.

The mothership has landed in the motherland.

2007-02-09T10:02:00.000+08:00

Hello New World! Just got into Beijing a couple nights ago and trying to figure out my Internets situation. To get this blog up and running in the People's Republic of China, I had to come to...Starbucks. Naturally.

I must say it's pretty exciting to be here. (Especially after getting stuck in the middle seat next to a fat American dude, who proceeded to cough for 14 hours nonstop. Mmmm. United sucks.)

After almost 8 years in NY, this is kind of a new chapter for me. Some of my friends back home suggested that I start a blog so they could follow my "misadventures" here, so I'll do my best to keep everybody updated with "harmonious3wheelmotion."

What does that mean? Well I attended a talk last night at the Belgian Embassy, where a longtime Beijing CNN bureau chief discussed his time in China dating all the way back to the early 70s. Really interesting, as he's really one of the few foreigners to have witnessed China before it opened up to the world. Anyway, he quoted the official Communist party line which has recently elevated social harmony as its primary concern. Gotta keep it harmonious yo.

Earlier in the day I was wandering around the city, and I came across this gigantic structure. What in the world is this? And I soon discovered it was this rather upscale mall replete with an Adidas store that looked remarkably similar to the one back in Soho. Walked in the store and they were bumping "Gin and Juice."

So as a Chinese-American dude who grew up in a small town in Illinois listening to Snoop Dogg talk about hittin' them switches, I thought it was only appropriate to name this blog: Harmonious 3-Wheel Motion.