Cloud City (Be a Man!)

When it's clear the view of Hong Kong is not too shabby at night.
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Lights!Lights!Lights! even on the traffic dividers.
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More pig homages.
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Cloud City Lando Calrissian-style.
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Chillin' on the patio at Steve's, whose work you might recognize from the good ol' Anti-Social Club at the Morrisey Park Gallery from back in the dizzay. [www.metalwing.net]

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Got a loaf reduction here. Saw this sign and thought this place haaaaas to be good. (Steve did not paint the entryway.)
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"Regular exercise will keep you fit." (Saw this sign as I walked up a completely empty stairwell exiting the subway station. 10 ft over to my right there were hundreds of people riding the escalator.)
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Did you know T.J.'s cousin lives in Hong Kong?



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I saw Snoop come out of here. I swear.
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Excellent elegance indeed...
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If VH-1 ever introduces The Yella Rapper Show, this would be the rhyme I'd submit:

Wack booty MC's I eat like duck/goose meat
Wanna step to me? Just check me, at...



Hallelujah hollaback. (Can somebody tell me who's The White Rapper winner? The suspense is killing me.)
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For those of you with a lot of spare time/bandwidth, check out the following clip to get a better idea of what haggling is like in China. Let it load up a bit--patience--and then go to about 11:55 minutes into it. (Word to Ms. Yoo for passing this on.)

Gong Hay Fat Choy! (from Hong Kong)

Pam wanted to see some pics of Chinese New Year celebrations in Hong Kong so she can share them with her students. Here goes what I gots:

Below are some good ol' hong bao's (red envelops) filled with C.R.E.A.M. that children receive from their elders. Eligibility is based on single status. Once you get married you gotta start paying up. As I am still unmarried, my relatives all had to give me hong bao's. "Happy New Year! When are you getting married?" Translation: "Cah mon already yo I'm sick of giving you money!"



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As of Feb. 18th, 2007 it is now the Year of the Golden Pig. Thus little golden pigs pepper the urban landscape.



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Apt building entrances are all decked out. Instead of Christmas trees little Mandarin orange trees is the steez nahmean?



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On my way to visit my friend, Steve, I passed by the Man Mo Temple.



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Inside I saw a bunch of people burning incense and banging on drums (reminding me of Eddie Murphy in "Golden Child").








Happy Chinese New Year to everyone! Gung Hay Fat Choy! (Cantonese)/Gongxi Facai! (Mandarin), which basically means: Get that paper for the 2 Double O Seven y'alls!!!

1 out of 5

According to certain demographic analyses, 1 out of every 5 people on Planet Earth is Chinese. On behalf of those of you who are dubious of these estimates, I took it upon myself to find out where these Chinese people might be.

I think I found them. (A lot of them are in China--and Hong Kong has its share).

On the subway:

From Hong Kong 01

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On the streets:

From Hong Kong 01

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I like how they have traffic ribbons holding the peoples back. They should try that in NY!


I am telling you there are mad Chinese people up in this piece!

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This is a Chinese New Year's fair that reminded me the San Gennaro Festival (i.e., overcrowded/overrated) on Mulberry St.

From Hong Kong 01

From Hong Kong 01

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This sign did not seem very Happy Chinese New Year-ish.

From Hong Kong 01

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Was listening to Lily Allen walking around the Central District in Hong Kong, which I found somewhat apropos.



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Cause then I saw this dude:

From Hong Kong 01

Wu-tang Clan ain't nuthin to f*** wit'!
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And then I think I saw a Chinese Guardian Angel!

From Hong Kong 01

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Gotta ready for New Year's Eve feast with my #1 Uncle.

Random Bejing and Hong Kong pics

Beijing Pics:


Chillin at the foot massage place (post-massage) drinking chrysanthemum tea with Susan and Kevin. And watching Seinfeld.



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Across the street from the bootleg shopping center I found a more upscale mall all decked out in Chinese New Year's decorations celebrating the Year of the Golden Pig. Reminded me of a manger scene. I wonder if people here lament how Chinese New Year's is becoming too commercialized.





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Flew into HK a couple of days ago to visit my grandmizzles and took the airport express train into downtown Hong Kong. Wouldn't it be nice if there was something like this to JFK?



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For all of you low on undies, I thought I'd pass on this announcement:




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I am getting the sense that Chinese people like lights.

Real deal Holyfield

About 11am today I get a text message from my friend Susan, who was in town from Hong Kong on business.

"Peking duck dinner and then foot massage tonight. You interested?"

Hmmmm. I deliberate. Am I mad at Peking duck? The dish where they slice the duck real thin and you make a lil' Chinese-style fajita with some tasty fixin's? No I am not mad.

And a foot massage? Hey I figure I got at least a 49 in 50 chance this time. And Susan, a frequent Beijing visitor, probably knows a better spot (than the place in the bootleg shopping center).

"Count me in."

Get to the restaurant a tad late and apologize to Susan and her friend, Kevin. Needless to say, food = bomb. Peking duck in Peking is not bad at all (bu cuo!), if not downright delicious. After dinner I must say I was quite content. Sated, if you will.

But then Susan and Kevin remind me that we still have to go to the foot massage place. It's clear they have been to this place before, and I must say I am intrigued by the way they talk about it. 90 minute foot massage.
Free food and drinks. 138 yuan (or roughly $18 USD). $18?!!

Hop in a cab and then arrive at this classy looking joint. Reminds me of the onsen (natural hot springs) lobbies in Japan. The hostess takes us to a private room with 4 plush recliner chairs. This is already much better than sitting crammed with 49 other bootleg shoppers. We peruse the menu that offers complimentary soup noodles, sammiches, fruit juice (no grape drink though), chysanthemum tea, coffee, etc.

Sit down and there is an LCD TV for our viewing pleasure. On the side table lies an electronic bell in case we need to re-up our complimentary nourishments. That's what I'm talking 'bout. This place is peeeeimp.

The foot masseuses enter. 2 girls and 1 guy. Uh oh. The guy goes to Susan (not like it was a big deal or anything), and the girls attend to Kevin and me. First order of business is a neck and shoulder massage. Wow. I am not mad at this. Not at all. $18?

After 30 minutes of loosening up our neck and shoulder muscle fibers, the masseuses provide us with a heated neck cushion. Then the foot massage begins. The 3 of us sitting side by side in our plush recliners, straight loungin'. This masseuse knows what's up. Hitting pressure points and getting the qi flowing like a mofo. 60 minutes later and my relaxation levels exhibit some serious positive curvature (you know I had to get "positive curvature" in this blog Linda!).

Then Susan decides to get a head massage. At this point, I'm like sure why not. I'm not afraid of more relaxation. I was always a big fan of the $7 shampoo/head massage in the NY Chinatown. You know this. The girl then presses a button and my chair reclines even more! Can't stop won't stop.

Another 60 minutes later, and I think to myself: I like China.

Pirate treasure

OK, so for those of you who have been to Canal St. in the NY Chinatown know a lil' sum sum about the Chinese knack for knock-offs. As I mentioned before, I went to this mall (where I got that foot massage and nothing moved) the other day, and it was like knock-off mania. 5 floors of clothes, shoes, belts, bags, electronics, and all sorts of knick-knacks. I think I even saw some bootleg ipods. Basically it was like taking all the street vendors twice over on Canal St and condensing them into a giant shopping center, which is basically what the government did to clear space for new modernized building development.

At first, to be quite honest, I was a bit overwhelmed so I put on my earphones and started listening to the new Clipse album ("Got It For Cheap!") to get my mind right to start haggling. It's like a Chinese past-time.

There are no price tags. You ask one of the vendors for a price, and they invariably take out a calculator and punch in some numbers. The basic algrorhythm adds x% for waiguoren (foreigners) and x+y% for Chinese people who can't speak Chinese like myself. I had asked Uncle Andy earlier what was the norm for the haggling, and he gave me a rule of thumb: Just counteroffer 1/2 of their initial quoted price.

There are Diesel jackets, Polo shirts, Nike warm up suits and Air Jordan shoes. I turn down my ipod for a few seconds, and all you can hear is yapping and squawking. "Very good price!" "Very special!"

I decide to start out small. I am actually looking for some t-shirts, as I did not pack enough. Most of the t-shirts though are too crazy with graphics all over front and back. Not really my steez. I find this one vendor, who's selling some rather understated Chinese themed t-shirts. I inquire about the price for one.

"Just one?! You look for another t-shirt. Very nice."

"No no one will be just fine."

"No look. Look at these nice t-shirts. Very nice. Very special!"

I figure, sure why not, I'll try to get a 2-for-1 type discount deal. So I pick out another t-shirt that has a dragon on it (Word to my Year of the Dragon peeps...this is supposed to be a good year for us!) and ask for a price. Out comes the calculator.

"OK, this very special deal." The girl punches in the numbers: 720. With the 50% rule of thumb in mind, I blurt out, "360!" She looks at me in shock.

"Nooo these t-shirts very special quality!! OK I give you very special price only for you. Only for you OK?" I am momentarily touched. She punches in 660.

660?

That's not anywhere near half off. "500!" I'm having a good time just blurting numbers. Since I have only been here a few days, the colorful Chinese money still has a monopoly-like feel to it.

She punches in 500. Getting closer. Then I start taking it more seriously, and I do the calculations in my head. Hmmm let's see, the exchange rate is 7.75 yuan to 1 USD. Whoa. $60+ for 2 t-shirts? I mean, the quality of the fabric is actually pretty good, but wait a minute. Wait just one second here. These ain't no designer t-shirts! I'm not in Tokyo.

So I start to walk off, and the girl starts to get frantic. She grabs my arm. "Nooo waiiiittt!! Just tell me your price. Please. Tell me what you can pay."

"Sorry not interested." $32.5 for a t-shirt in the bootleg mall? No thanks.

"No you tell me what you pay. Please. I make no money today. Please tell me what you want to pay." Another lady starts chiming in. "We make no money today. We give you very special price. Please!" The first girl is still clinging to my arm.

I start thinking about the average Chinese person, who makes about 1000 yuan/month. Now it's not even about the t-shirts and whether I want them or not.

"200."

"220!"

I think, whatever, it's just another $2 and change USD. "OK, fine." I pull out the 220 yuan, but then the girl is all cross, muttering to herself.

"You very tough. You make hard bargain!" And she disgustedly hands me my 2 t-shirts. But then she adds, "I give you good deal, so you remember me and come back OK?"

I walk away and think wow she kind of screwed that one up. At one point I was offering her 500, and she turned that down! The Chinese Greed Unit. (Seth, I found somebody I want you to meet!). Then I think back to her orginal price. 720?! That's like $45 per t-shirt! Dayam. I wonder if they're are tourists that actually pay that. Even so I know I still overpaid! Oh well.



Then I think, all this shopping and haggling is tuckering a brotha out. It sure would be real nice to get a foot massage right about now...

1 out of 50

Actually did some sightseeing yesterday. Checked out Tiananmen Square, which is just south of the Forbidden City. If I'm not mistaken, the Mao Mausoleum (where Chairman Mao's body rests embalmed) is in the background below.



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Fun fact of the day: Tiananmen Square is the largest city square in the world (according to the sign that also said not to spit) and where many of the big-time government buildings are located.



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Below is the Gate of Heavenly Peace with that famous giant portrait of Chairman Mao, where everybody and I mean everybody has to take a picture. It's like some Jedi force.



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Once you go under Mao's head and enter the through the gate, you're on your way to the Forbidden City, which is where the emperor resided back in the day.



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And that's it for pictures of the Forbidden City, because by the time I got to the entrance the ticket office was closed. So instead I took a picture of G-Unit B-B-B-B-B-B-Beijing.



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I am finding that Chinese language can be very literal.



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I mean, like real literal. (Yeah those are for you-know-whats.)



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Today I saw 3-wheeler triumvirate. I gotta get one of these.



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Below is one of my favorite restaurants so far. A meal is around $2 USD. In no particular they got porridge, noodles, and the uncut Peruvian.



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So my friend Amanda recently went to Beijing and told me that I had to get a foot massage when I got here. For some reason foot massage places are everywhere and they're like $5 USD for 30 minutes. Earlier today I went to this shopping mall, which I'll discuss in more detail later, and I stumbled across this section where around 50 shoppers were getting manicures, pedicures, and...foot massages. I was like fock it let's do this. And so goes my story of my first foot massage in Beijing.

There are 2 rows of chairs facing each other about 25 deep, and I am instructed to take a seat. Now I look around not knowing really what to expect, and I see all these with young women attending to the men and women shoppers.



At first I have to wait, as it's packed. I look around, wondering which one of these girls is going to give me this long awaited foot massage. After a few minutes I finally get some service when a dude puts a stool in front of me and lays out massage oil and towels. I'm like, cool, this guy is so helpful, getting everything ready for my foot masseuse. I am thinking this could be real nice having some girl massage my feet right about now, especially for 5 duckets.

But then the dude takes a seat. Huh? I am kind of befuddled. Uh, how come I got the only male foot masseuse in this joint while the other 49 shoppers all have female foot masseuses?! I mean it's cool and all. Not like it's going to move or anything.

Alright I have to go now and look up "I can't quit you" in Chinese.

At the car wash...

Harmonious 3-wheel motion yaheard.

Back in Starbucks listening to that track, Come Around, by Collie Buddz, the new and improved Snow and Matisyahu (aka white dude singing reggae).



Kind of fitting because my transition has been smoothed out quite nicely with the assistance of my "Uncle Andy," who is a white guy who speaks fluent Mandarin Chinese. He's my uncle in the Chinese style sense where there is no actual blood relation. Specifically he is the husband of my mom's best friend, Auntie Eulalia, from growing up in Macao* at a Portuguese Catholic boarding school. My mom and Auntie Eulalia known each other since they were like 7 years old!

*former Portuguese colony near Hong Kong that has recently surpassed Las Vegas in terms of gambling revenue. Too much Sam Rothstein?

Fast fwd a few decades and I'm here in China, the motherland, and since I can't speak much Chinese at this juncture Uncle Andy has been very kind to house me and show me around. I think this throws some of the locals for a loop: Waiguoren (foreigner) speaking fluent Chinese leading around a Chinese dude, whose Chinese sucks but speaks fluent English (and is conversant in ebonics--for those keeping record).

Went to the car wash earlier today. I like how the clothes are hanging out to dry nearby. Car wash/laundry drying machine.


Alright going to grab some noodles and check out the Forbidden City, where they dance the lambada or something like that.

Random Pics from Feb. 8th

Yup they still got bikes up in this piece.


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I was listening to Young Jeezy's, "I Luv It," on my ipod walking down the street getting AMPED son!



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...and then I came across this sign, which struck me as kind of un-Jeezy.


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This new apt complex for some reason made me think that the Wu-Tang Clan might enjoy living here.
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This is that mall, The Place, where I found Snoop Dogg playing at the Adidas Store.

The mothership has landed in the motherland.

Hello New World! Just got into Beijing a couple nights ago and trying to figure out my Internets situation. To get this blog up and running in the People's Republic of China, I had to come to...Starbucks. Naturally.

I must say it's pretty exciting to be here. (Especially after getting stuck in the middle seat next to a fat American dude, who proceeded to cough for 14 hours nonstop. Mmmm. United sucks.)

After almost 8 years in NY, this is kind of a new chapter for me. Some of my friends back home suggested that I start a blog so they could follow my "misadventures" here, so I'll do my best to keep everybody updated with "harmonious3wheelmotion."

What does that mean? Well I attended a talk last night at the Belgian Embassy, where a longtime Beijing CNN bureau chief discussed his time in China dating all the way back to the early 70s. Really interesting, as he's really one of the few foreigners to have witnessed China before it opened up to the world. Anyway, he quoted the official Communist party line which has recently elevated social harmony as its primary concern. Gotta keep it harmonious yo.

Earlier in the day I was wandering around the city, and I came across this gigantic structure. What in the world is this? And I soon discovered it was this rather upscale mall replete with an Adidas store that looked remarkably similar to the one back in Soho. Walked in the store and they were bumping "Gin and Juice."

So as a Chinese-American dude who grew up in a small town in Illinois listening to Snoop Dogg talk about hittin' them switches, I thought it was only appropriate to name this blog: Harmonious 3-Wheel Motion.