Pirate treasure

OK, so for those of you who have been to Canal St. in the NY Chinatown know a lil' sum sum about the Chinese knack for knock-offs. As I mentioned before, I went to this mall (where I got that foot massage and nothing moved) the other day, and it was like knock-off mania. 5 floors of clothes, shoes, belts, bags, electronics, and all sorts of knick-knacks. I think I even saw some bootleg ipods. Basically it was like taking all the street vendors twice over on Canal St and condensing them into a giant shopping center, which is basically what the government did to clear space for new modernized building development.

At first, to be quite honest, I was a bit overwhelmed so I put on my earphones and started listening to the new Clipse album ("Got It For Cheap!") to get my mind right to start haggling. It's like a Chinese past-time.

There are no price tags. You ask one of the vendors for a price, and they invariably take out a calculator and punch in some numbers. The basic algrorhythm adds x% for waiguoren (foreigners) and x+y% for Chinese people who can't speak Chinese like myself. I had asked Uncle Andy earlier what was the norm for the haggling, and he gave me a rule of thumb: Just counteroffer 1/2 of their initial quoted price.

There are Diesel jackets, Polo shirts, Nike warm up suits and Air Jordan shoes. I turn down my ipod for a few seconds, and all you can hear is yapping and squawking. "Very good price!" "Very special!"

I decide to start out small. I am actually looking for some t-shirts, as I did not pack enough. Most of the t-shirts though are too crazy with graphics all over front and back. Not really my steez. I find this one vendor, who's selling some rather understated Chinese themed t-shirts. I inquire about the price for one.

"Just one?! You look for another t-shirt. Very nice."

"No no one will be just fine."

"No look. Look at these nice t-shirts. Very nice. Very special!"

I figure, sure why not, I'll try to get a 2-for-1 type discount deal. So I pick out another t-shirt that has a dragon on it (Word to my Year of the Dragon peeps...this is supposed to be a good year for us!) and ask for a price. Out comes the calculator.

"OK, this very special deal." The girl punches in the numbers: 720. With the 50% rule of thumb in mind, I blurt out, "360!" She looks at me in shock.

"Nooo these t-shirts very special quality!! OK I give you very special price only for you. Only for you OK?" I am momentarily touched. She punches in 660.

660?

That's not anywhere near half off. "500!" I'm having a good time just blurting numbers. Since I have only been here a few days, the colorful Chinese money still has a monopoly-like feel to it.

She punches in 500. Getting closer. Then I start taking it more seriously, and I do the calculations in my head. Hmmm let's see, the exchange rate is 7.75 yuan to 1 USD. Whoa. $60+ for 2 t-shirts? I mean, the quality of the fabric is actually pretty good, but wait a minute. Wait just one second here. These ain't no designer t-shirts! I'm not in Tokyo.

So I start to walk off, and the girl starts to get frantic. She grabs my arm. "Nooo waiiiittt!! Just tell me your price. Please. Tell me what you can pay."

"Sorry not interested." $32.5 for a t-shirt in the bootleg mall? No thanks.

"No you tell me what you pay. Please. I make no money today. Please tell me what you want to pay." Another lady starts chiming in. "We make no money today. We give you very special price. Please!" The first girl is still clinging to my arm.

I start thinking about the average Chinese person, who makes about 1000 yuan/month. Now it's not even about the t-shirts and whether I want them or not.

"200."

"220!"

I think, whatever, it's just another $2 and change USD. "OK, fine." I pull out the 220 yuan, but then the girl is all cross, muttering to herself.

"You very tough. You make hard bargain!" And she disgustedly hands me my 2 t-shirts. But then she adds, "I give you good deal, so you remember me and come back OK?"

I walk away and think wow she kind of screwed that one up. At one point I was offering her 500, and she turned that down! The Chinese Greed Unit. (Seth, I found somebody I want you to meet!). Then I think back to her orginal price. 720?! That's like $45 per t-shirt! Dayam. I wonder if they're are tourists that actually pay that. Even so I know I still overpaid! Oh well.



Then I think, all this shopping and haggling is tuckering a brotha out. It sure would be real nice to get a foot massage right about now...