(Trying to) be a man!

One thing I have noticed since moving to China is a significantly higher occurrence rate of stink rock*. Whew. Man I don't know what it is. So many people, both men and women's breath smell like stink rock. It's so powerful, so overpowering, and it makes me mad. I don't want to talk to these people. Like taxi drivers, shop keepers, co-workers, etc. Usually they're very nice people, but part me of wants me to just throat chop them when they talk.

*For those of you who are not familiar (i.e., probably 98% of the population) with the term, "stink rock," I thought I would defer to the Stink Rock Expert himself, who so graciously provided this definition:

"Stink rock is a highly dense assemblage of foods, typically lodged in a small crevice in the back of tonsils. As more food enters, it gets packed in and pressurized, much like the creation of a precious jewel. Saliva and other oral enzymes bleach the food of its color. It starts to rot almost immediately, fermenting in the saliva. Eventually, it can be coughed out. If crushed, all the rot of a thousand foodstuffs is released almost immediately. To an untrained nose, the odor can be almost unbearable."

-S*th S*arls, March 20th, 2007

Anyway, that sh!t is gross son! I don't know what it is. Is it the diet? The stinky tofu dishes? A genetic propensity passed down from generation to generation? Is there DNA testing for this?

My latest hypothesis centers on the vocalization requirements for the Chinese language. In order to master the tones, one needs to train the vocal chord to modulate and undulate with utmost precision to get the pitches just right. Perhaps all this modulation and undulation of the vocal chords serves to dislodge the aforementioned stink rock, releasing a perpetually unbearably potent strand of halitosis. In other words, some people's breath smells like poo. (No offense to any of you with stink rock. And of course, now I'm paranoid that I've had stink rock break all this time and nobody has told me. If so, my profuse apologies!)

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While I'm getting my rant on, can I express my displeasure with Nivea? See, Beijing is super arid. It's apparently at the edge of a desert, and I noticed my lips getting mighty chapped. I went to the store to rectify and saw all this lip gloss. Then I noticed a familiar brand. Nivea! Not there's anything wrong getting lip gloss (and then getting a foot massage), but I thought I'd get the Nivea for Men. And then get a foot massage.



Then I walked outside and went to apply the lip protection. This is the product:



I just didn't feel too tough applying my new Nivea for Men lip care product. I feel bamboozled.

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Went to this club the other night and witnessed a frightening scenario (for a DJ).



The crowd was going bonkers to this song. Singing along, hands in the air! I was like if I had to follow this DJ, what in theeee darn tarnation would I play?

Hmmmm. Maybe this. MSTRKRFT is that hot fire!