Straight flossin' in Beijing

3-wheelmotion valet parking.

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A few people have asked me why I haven't updated in a while, and the short answer is a good friend/Stink Rock Expert/Primary Smell (e.g., Head) Expert was in town. This is the same friend who chastised me about my less than stellar bargaining skills after one of my first blog posts.

Anyway, on Mr. Searl's first day I suggested we check out the market where I got my very first foot massage (by a dude nonethelesss...not that there's anything wrong with that), because Seth had expressed interest in buying shoes.

We get to the market, and I overhear a conversation between a nearby vendor and a European guy.

Customer: "What kind of leather is this? Where is it from? Is it really from Italy?"

Vendor (with complete straight face): "This is China of course there are no fakes."

I chuckle and look over at Seth, who appears ready to test his negotiation skills. "Let me show you how to bargain son!"



[Wednesday morning I get an update from Seth about his new shoes. "Dude they are like 5 sizes too small! I think they pulled a switcheroo when they put the shoes in the bag..."]
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Later in the weekend, I take Seth back to the 798 Art Gallery district, and we learn the industrial spaces were in fact military factories back in the day. The new galleries, restaurants, and coffeeshops just gutted the spaces, but some artifacts could not be removed (see below).


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After devising grand plans to hike 10km along a more untouched part (i.e., not swamped by tourists and vendors hawking random Mao lighters) of the Great Wall, we duly overslept. Instead we went to the Forbidden City, which is where the Emperor used to reside. No common folk could ever see the place, and trespassers were punished by death. In fact the only men, who were not part of the royal family, allowed inside the Forbidden City were eunuchs. You know, dudes with their balzacs cut off. According to a guidebook, there used to be a special chair with a specially placed hole for the procedure.

Below is Seth, happy he did not have to sit in that chair to enjoy the Forbidden City.


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In one of the courtyards, they were some pretty cool rock formations, on top of which sat some pagodas.


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A view of the Forbidden City from a hill where the last Ming Emperor (of the 2nd to last Chinese Dynasty) hanged himself as Manchu invaders overtook the Forbidden City and started their own dynasty, the Qing, who popularized/mandated the famous queue hairstyle (the long, braided pony tail, with the head shaved in the front half). You know, like in the scenes in Shanghai Noon. Or was it Shanghai Nights?



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We also checked out Tiananmen Square, billed as the largest public square in the world. Seth, emboldened by the all the Chinese spitting into trash cans (yet ignoring the "hocking factor"), decides to demonstrate his own travel etiquette and intrepid disposition towards flossin' 24/7.

"That's how I roll son!"



True international player yaheard.